dmaot wrote on 09 Oct 2009 06:47:


Great news that things are looking up for you.

I vote that you change the title to "I'm not a failure"

Noorah

dmaot wrote on 09 Oct 2009 06:47:


Hitting rock bottom has its advantages (not that I recommend doing it l'chatchila).  It provides tremendous motivation to change course.  So, hitting rock bottom may well be the beginning of your success!

Although I just failed again!

Just follow the handbooks... If the tools you have been using until now are not enough, go on to the next tools! It's not easy to beat an addiction, but Hashem trusted you with this job, so obviously you have it in you. Don't let the fall get you down. That's the Yetzer hara's number one trick!

dmaot wrote on 11 Oct 2009 21:02:


Now you are not failing. You are now learning things about yourself. Why did you fall? Learn something about where you are powerless and then read the handbooks and come back here.

dmaot wrote on 11 Oct 2009 21:02:


"Failed" and "fell" are worlds apart.
The only time you 'fail' after 'falling' is if you dont try to get up again

"7yipol tzaddik V'KUM"
And "v'kum' is so much easier when you have a whole GYE family lifting you up!

PS I like the new thread name

You "failed" maybe cause your goals at this point are a little out of your reach.
Have a more realistic goal like:one day without mas*** and take it from there
With all the love in the world for a fellow tear-shedder
-uri

dmaot wrote on 11 Oct 2009 21:02:
patience shveetheart, patience....

Welcome d'maot.  As someone new to this myself, I am not sure whether its chutzpadik for me to put in my 2 cents, so apologies to everyone.

It seems to me that the most important thing is, as the Holy Yid said, is to try and understand what went wrong.

If I may be so bold as to share some of my story, as an illustration.  

I started this when I was young.  I wasn't frum at the time and indeed porn and mb were, if not actually encouraged, a normal part of life and certainly to be expected.  I expect that in the course of time it will come out that my addiction started then, since I used to, ahem indulge a lot.  It stopped when I became frum, and when I got married things were good.  Over time we had our problems.  Financial difficulties, infertility, clinical depression (my wife's), changing jobs, moving home.

I am coming to believe that when things got too much for me, when I became overwhelmed, stressed beyond my ability to cope, I responded by reverting to my old activities.

Anyway, to cut a long story short.  I find that coming to this understanding gives me a way of understanding and therefore controlling my emotions and consequently my actions.  The other thing is - if you can see danger up ahead, it is a darn sight easier to avoid.  It also helps to identify triggers (those things, words situations which can lead you into harm's way) again, this should help to avoid them.

Ultimately, you can be assured that you are not alone and that we are here to help.  You only have to want it.

HW

May I add that you need to learn to deal with negative emotions. There is much self help literature on this subject. Once you learn how to approach anxiety you will crash allot less.