OK! Super honesty time. I've been addicted for nearly 11 years (22 years old now). I just started working through the steps. Seriously. I've been seriously working through the steps for about 2 days. lol. Here's my anxiety: I'm terrified of what G-d, as I understand Him, will have me do if I turn my will and my life over to Him. That sounds so horrible, I know! I've grown up learning that He is always there for me, and He will never let me down, etc. But, to be honest, step 1 was pretty doable. Step 2 was ok, also. But step 3 is making me literally shake in my boots.
I know my life is unmanageable. In fact, I'm more comfortable with it being unmanageable because it's been that way for most of my life. Again I know that sounds bad.
I guess I'm still trying to get through step 2, because I honestly think that if I truly believed that a Power greater than myself (i.e. G-d) could restore me to sanity, then I think I'd be able to turn my will and my life over to Him. But why does that make me feel so . . .helpless. I feel like I can't do anything, so how can I expect to do this right? After all, I always seem to mess it up. How do I make this decision! I've believed in G-d my entire life, and I can't make this decision.
Please help.
