i didn't think ill hear this question here . ok its taken over my life makes me feel guilty

Thank G-d! It's not because it is 'ritually forbidden'! You are so lucky that you see it takes over your life and that this is the real reason you want to stop. Now we are getting somewhere.

OK, with that relief, I now leave you to the chevra to get worked over.

Hatzlocha Mr Melost!!

I wrote this before I saw Dov's post. Just view it as somewhat of an elaboration on what he's saying.
I assume you didn't expect the question here since "its ossur" so why shouldn't you want to stop. It is true that masturbation is ossur and because its ossur you shouldn't do it, but how well has that reason worked for you in the past. Sounds like not too well. It doesn't surprise me either since while no doubt you say you believe in Hashem how deep is that belief. Seemingly not deep enough to recognise that even if you've masturbated Hashem is big enough to still love you and accept your tefillos. If you did I find it hard that you'd have such a hard time davening. I don't fault you for this. I'm probably not too much different. So what's the solution? If you recognise that giving in to lust is literally ruining your life in this world. That may be a start. What you think?

ur-a-jew wrote on 22 Nov 2012 22:12:

the reason i didnt expect the question here is that i thought its obvios that if im here i realize that its taking other my life . about the davening its not the reason that i dont believe that he dosn't love me its just that i dont feel the conection like i used to even when i speak to to hashem i do without any emotion

Reminds me of a true story:

There was an old-time Rosh Yeshiva in Ponovez Yeshiva, Reb Dovid Povarsky zt"l (father of Reb Berel Povarsky Shlit"a). He was a big tzaddik and a big matmid. He had a very laid back personality. Like when he said a shiur or a shmuz, he would speak in a monotone without any emotion at all. Once a bochur came to him seeking for some chizzuk. "Rebby, what should I do? I have no cheshek to learn", said the bochur. And Reb Dovid replied - in a monotone, as usual: "Ich - leren - shoin - zibtzig - yohr - ohn - cheshek." (I'm learning already seventy years without emotion.)

I'm sur Reb Dovid never heard of the expression "Keep on trucking". But he did it for seventy years straight.

Emotion shmotion - KOT behatzlacha!

MT

MT that is an awesome story. ;D

yesterday i fell 3 times. the only one to blame is me i knew that shabbos afternoon is a time i fall and i didnt keep to the safeguards. i said i would i said to myself just a bit fantersies i fell another 2 times later at night i didnt even try and stop myself im ill and powerlles. i have been working on my other higher powers and shabbos is again the hardest as i meet some people i cant stand but i was in control of my emotions

thank you hashem this is the way you want me to serve you with my addiction this is MY tafkid here :D ;D

#1: who told you that you are powerless? Maybe you are not, but just not trying because you have no true reason not to. Maybe all your 'reasons' not to, are still fake reasons to you.

#2: When the 1st step says "powerless" the main thing it means is that we are abnormal, because unlike other people, we are powerless over using it in a healthy way. We can't use a little porn, fantasy or touching ourselves - whenever we do it eventually goes way overboard and we lose control of out lives and relationships in the process. So every time we play with it (or ourselves), we fail to control it.

Nu?

#3: you said you were going to do something about it - and wrote "the 12 steps" (though I am not sure what you mean by 'doing' them...do you mean just think about them? :) - maybe you have done nothing about it but decide that you do not want to masturbate...then masturbate some more.

#4: even if you are truly unable to stop forever on your own - in other words you are an addict - there is no program of any kind that takes off your personal responsibility to live the good life. 12 Step's is totally about taking responsibility for our lives and GETTING THE HELP WE NEED EVEN IF WE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF IT.

#5: how much do you need to suffer already? Or I ask you this: if you are afraid to get the help you really need, then how



So, what is your next step? ..besides maybe unzipping your pants and feeling yourself again, today? It really is up to you.

dov wrote on 25 Nov 2012 12:30:
thanks dov i dont know im confused right now im lazy and im not working hard on it when im clean i,m happy go to sa but dont realy work hard on myself on shabbos i fought aginst myself not to act out but the other times including yesterday i fell(actully i didnt fall i acted out on purpose i didnt try to fight ) it was strait after the call with you i,m working on the second step that means i am taking away my other higher powers i dont hate resent . anyway im in a kind of cycle i act out on shabbos continue till monday then clean the rest of the week ( once i actout i act out again and again) well thanks dov as always i need to work hard .today im clean this is my life the only one who can help me is myself :D ;D :'(

This 'quitting' of a habit is a big job - too big for us to handle - and is really very simple. Knowing I can't afford it, is the main ingredient. The engine.

As long as we keep doing it (enjoying it/using it), it means we still believe we can afford it - that it is still in our best interest. Just because Hashem says it is bad for us means very little. He's not right here, is He? He isn't showing us how bad it is, is He?

Many have discovered that suffering enough is what's needed for them to know it is unaffordable by them. Simple. That's step 1.

But then we are in a very bad spot:

1- We see we cannot afford it - again, not because of irrelevant stuff like gehinom or whatever - but because really it hurts us personally. Iyov could lose a lot and still trust Hashem purely - but when the pain was in his own body, he lost it (at some level). Every man has his price. (Of course, TaPhsic is artificially induced pain, so it is not real sufferring at all, in this respect.)

But,

2- We don't really want to stop - it's just too frightneningscary. Being isolated makes this much too hard for some. Using frumkeit simultaneously as the motivator also makes this too hard for some - our yiddishkeit is so twisted that it pulls us over and over again back into our porn and masturbation just to relieve the pain of being a Jew.


The AA Big Book refers to this stage as "Well, youv'e got us over the barrel, alright." It is where working step 2 begins, for addicts trying to work the 12 steps.

justed acted out twice

and?

Hey Bro, for me it really works to just breathe, slowly in and out. 3 times. Then admit helplessness.

Slowly dude, you got it, one day at a time. Just one. ;D

Do you believe that you truly don't want to stop yet?

thanks everyone for the advice i realy wont to STOP but when it comes to it i dont try to STOP. i started going to sa meetings found a few hiemesh guys there .i relized that i cant do it alone and i need a sponser. ;D :D