Aweful lot of flounderers here today. Oy!
Too many fish out of water.
Dov, you know the answers yourself -
Think of the mashal of the crafty fox trying to lure the innocent fish out of the water so they can be 'safe' from the fishermans net.
A Yid without Torah is like a fish out of water,
and an addict without a support group is like trying to swim upstream in a dry river bed!
(Dovish and obscure enough folks?)

Seriously, no falling!
GYE doesnt carry medical insurance :-\
Briut will sue for malpractice
and Dov will be forced to take a double dose of Dov daily. Scary, no?!

guys, its been almost 7 weeks now, & i just dont have any more koch, desire, intrest, or whatever u wana call it to stay clean, i just wana give it all up, i hate everone on this world, can u please stop me, only reply if u got sometin wise to say

Hey JIP,

Feel free to PM, email me or we can gchat at Yiddle2@gmail.com !

You know you can do this!

-Yiddle

I am a bit overwhelmed and just want to stay up and watch a movie which I would be doing as an 'emotional cave' to run to... not as a healthy neutral thing.

It's bothering me that I want to behave this way knowing full well that it may cause me to act out.

Any supportive words as counting these days gets harder?

Hey DJ,

Lets take a step out of our normal bodies here and call a timeout for a second! Gets hardeR? Just think about what you did. You were able to realize the potential dangers in watching a movie. Thats probably something that a few months ago you would definitely not have done. Isnt it already getting easier?? Feel free to email me or gchat me at Yiddle2@gmail.com or PM me here.

Keep it up youre doing great!

-Yiddle

jewinpain wrote on 15 Mar 2010 01:52:

Dear Jewinpain - are you asking for something wise, or something helpful?
This may not sound very wise to you, but I'm not as stupid as I used to be, so here goes:



7 weeks of what?

Of freedom from being a slave to your lust?
Or seven weeks of being "good"?

If it's been a bit of freedom, why wouldn't it be at least somewhat enjoyable? Wherefore all the misery?
If it's the second (and that's my guess) then I don't blame you at all for being sick of it, but also have little sympathy. Been there, done that.

Admitted, I do not know you and whether or not your life is basically being screwed up by the lust that you do not successfuly control, but here's my pitch: For an addict, trying to avoid or overpower their drug in order to "be good"- is just another silly recipe for disaster. What the H gives us the idea that we can beat it now? Usually, I maintained the struggle just to keep lust in my life - when actually faced with the option to give it up I found myself absolutely terrified! Besides, struggling with "evil" is exactly how we became as screwed up as we are! An addict does not win, and the struggle invariably becomes a dance. We are not suuposed to dance with arayos, are we? The way the AA's put it was this: "My very best thinking is what brought me here. Uh oh."

So, dear Jewinpain, if you make up your own mind that you are tired of failing at being "good" and are ready to give-up beating your head into a wall and feeling sorry for yourself about the severe headache, we may then have something to talk about. It may even be wise. For in my experience, Recovery is about Freedom and being with Hashem, not about our own strength and our own goodness. For an addict, that's just more foolishness.

And that's where the steps begin.

Dear Jew in Pain

Listen to what Dov say he speaks with reason

He is begging you to stop trying to turn the roller coaster around

Allow yourself

Yes allow yourself

To give the fight over

That does not mean you are a loser or weak or subpar or not a good Jew etc

All u need to do is allow urself to thinl a little different

YOU CAN'T TAKE THE Y"H head on

You can cleave to Hashem and ride along with him

Hashem sees your pain

Hashem sees your potential

You can do it

Believe in yourself

The fact that u are screaming in pain proves that your Neshama is alive and on fire!!!

KEEP ON TRUCKING

B

i don't know what  to do anymore i have a huge headache, my scrotum is in pain. I feel like i will die if I don't give in

Hey brother, sorry to heat, can u find the source of this headache where is it coming from, and what is it related to ur pain of ur scrotum, and by acting out y will ur headache go away, u will only add a dose of depression to ur headache, imagine the good feeling of not giving in and doing something better instead, just think of hashem watching u from across the hallway on his chair through a glass door, and telling his malochim, do u see why I needed to create humans, look at zalmen, he just overcame a huge challange, I'm so proud of my jews down there, and for the yitsal hura, tell he shold go fly and not be a sicko, he's doing what hashem wants him to do and u r doing what hahshem wants u to do, so u r even and he can not expect u to do any different than he does, let me know if u need more
Stay clean for my sake

If you want sympathy i can't help you that much from here, but If you were here I'd cry with you and give you a real hug. You are an amazing person, ZD.
If you want advice, I'd just accept that the pain you describe will actually pass completely. And if your body knows otherwise it'll make what needs to happen, happen on it's own, and with no help from you or lust. You just keep ZalmanDovid's eyes on the prize: ZD's sanity and sobriety. Everything will get easier if you ride this one out with help.
One more thing: I don't waste my time trying to stay clean because it's ossur. Rachel and Leyah gave all the reasons for leaving their jerky-father's house before they added, "and that's what Hashem wants you to do, so let's go!". So, why are you really here? Is it because something just woke up in you to suddenly start keeping halocha? or was there something more that drove you to take the step of going to GYE? Did you start to accept what your lust problem does to your life? What does it do to your life?
I hit a point that it became clear that it was ruining my life and would destroy me if I just gave it...but I still had to give in! That's when I finally went to any lengths to really get the help I needed. I found SA and went to meetings, bared the entire truth about me to addicts in recovery, and "virtual" (back then it was phones) wasn't enough for me, by a longshot. I needed real meetings with real people. It had to be as real as possible for me to get the most real results. I was able to say: Hashem I give myself to You and please take my lust away from me now. Please don't help me "overcome" this - take it away from me, please. I want no awards, no s'char, no revenge on the YH nor anybody, and I'm not trying to 'prove' anything. I ask you to free me from this lust in order to be healthy and useful to your people. After all, I'm Yours! Thanks you for helping me so much in the past! I follow this up with a calm gratitude list, while I lay on my bed and try to sleep. Nu. Life is really weird sometimes....

And should the urge return 2 minutes later, i say the same prayer again. And again. I can pray longer than lust can do it's job.

Hang in there, little buddy!
("little buddy" is just a figure of speech, tovarish)
("tovarish" is....oh, never mind!)

With much love and admiration to you,

Dov

A quote:

When you feel like giving up try to remember why you held on for so long to begin with....

Hope things worked out....

Reb ZD - how you doing? I hope you're still hanging in there!?

B"H I am hanging in their.

Thank you everyone for your help.

Dov, I did as you said and BH it worked. 

I hope everyone is doing well.

ZD

ZD,

Good to hear your back on your feet!

Reb Zalmen, tnx for the update I was thinking of u