i just walked away fom acting out right in the middle .i just stopped and got up .  i am going insane . i dont even know what to do anymore.  i'm getting out of my house i don't care where . more later.

Way to go 36nik!! That takes a lot of strength...

Wanna call? Send me an e-mail at Tomim2B@gmail.com, and I'll provide you with my number.

2B

fell . its over . i can get back up now . there was so much pressure in my life i got depressed . i didn't know what to do next there was so much to do . should've called  someone i don't even know if that wouldv'e worked . i havent fealt that bad in a long  time . i am alone, everyone wants to help me  but they want me to tell them waht to do . they wait for my lead . i have to run all this myself and i don't even know what to do . now to top it all off i fell badly after 20 days .way to go . 

DONT FEEL BAD..... after the fact, it obiously was meant to happen. Treat it like a new beginning - god decided you needed a "refresher" and now Go full force. Take care of that thing you needed to take care of - God has given you the energy to do so. Realize that NOTHING can bring you down. You can overcome it all... because now you're a new man!

If you feel bad now... guess who win? The YH!

We say FELL SHMELL - because your avodas hashem right now is to move forward. And I already know that you are moving forward...

Lamed Vavnik,

Although you mayu have "lost the battle", I read through your last few posts before you fell and I see great courage in you. You identified that you were going to fall and did something about it. That is PROGRESS. We are looking for "progress not perfection" as Duvid Chaim always puts it. I knwo many times when I feel I am about to fall I alienate myself from the forum, but you came here for help. And even though you had a fall, its just a bump in the road towards your ultimate goal of getting closer to Hashem. Stick with it buddy cause I see a lot of potential in you.

All the best,

-Yiddle

Great, a new beginning.  But, don't forget, it could be that the "fall" was when you were already in the state of depression?

Yiddle2 wrote on 13 Jan 2010 14:49:
thanx a lot . you're right . even tho' i fell , i know inside that i have grown so much from my other times . i also know that this was a pressure and difficulty that was yotzay min haclall . it was crazy . i'm still not sure what happened to me or why .  i did better than i thought i ever would . H' should  help me next time will be better .  i just hope i beat this thing b/f my time is up.  :-[

me wrote on 13 Jan 2010 14:53:
you're probably right , but i don't remember feeling that helpless and lost since i was a little kid . i'm talkiing single digits.  i wasn't expecting that kind of reaction from myself  at all. it totally swept me . and its not  over yet, but i feel better . like the worst is over . I hate to  say this b/c i dont' imagine its very good for recovery , but i think it helped me to get "it " out of the way and then i could think more clearly about what's  really wrong . it sort of pushed me to realize i have to do something to get it together .
How bad is that? 

I think that good or bad, it's natural...even on a purely physical level, falling in that way relaxes us...which is part of the reason it's addictive.

I have faith, though, that next time you'll have the ability inside yourself to rise above the confusion...

Rage ATM wrote on 13 Jan 2010 16:57:
thanx . i appreciate it  . i think you're right , the avoidah is what is most important . i was doing some good stuff , and i don't want  to stop now ! but some techniques lemayseh for  dealing w/ tension  and anxiety would probably help me for next time . i need to keep my focus . not easy . maybe somrething else to add to my avoidah list ,. 

I know that when I'm dealing with stress, relaxation breathing techniques help relax me...are you familiar with any of them?

quick question for the group, Should I be working on both stopping P**n and M*******N both at once, cold turkey , or stop the M********N only although the other stuff may lead to it. Or maybe that was my Y"H talking and rationalizing?

penitent wrote on 13 Jan 2010 20:52:


The short answer?  Both.