having the k9 password is pure torture.
is it possible for you to just avoid the fight now?

thank you habib for your concern,
Just caught up on some forum stuff- feeling a lot better,
going to shut this darn computer!!!!
night, night

glad you did constructive stuff
good job
good night!

Ministaros Nakeini wrote on 30 Dec 2009 07:14:
You have to look at that password like a needle with aids on it. Get rid of it, it doesn't matter what excuse you have! You have an opportunity NOW which you will NEVER have again! PLEASE take advantage of it before it's too late. Just sit down with her and make a new email address just for this, and tell her to make a new password which you won't guess. Do it TODAY don't delay till tomorrow or even later, even if your sure you will do it then....
Don't let us down.

penitent wrote on 30 Dec 2009 03:59:


Ur videos will lead to u know what, and then when ur wife becomes muter it just wont be as good. Lets face it, the longer u wait the better it is, and if u cant resist for the right reason, at least resist for this reason.

Hi Penitent!
Thanks for sharing what's going on inside with you. Personally, I approach my stuff differently now, but can relate 100% to what the muddled mess that you describe so clearly. Youv'e got some great feedback already, so i can speak my heart, too.
How about looking at the SA white book? You can skip the start and begin with the chapter called "Step Zero". It's not the same old predictable stuff we have all heard before. It rips the cover off what's going inside many of us, and may speak to you. It may help, too.
GYE has a link to it somewhere here. Ask Guard if you wish to do check it out. All the best, chaver!
-Dov

For the SA whitebook and all the other great 12-Step literature, see this page  (scroll down)

Thanks for the chizuk. still going strong. I wouldn't want to disappoint any of you.

Keep it up pentinent, Just one day at a time... Instead of shooting for 90 days, shoot on making it to the green zone without falling...

YOU CAN DO IT!! We Can Help! Home Depot... No, I mean GYE!

I read a lot of the white paper re:SA. I do see myself in that and relate it to my own experiences. I do have a problem though with understanding all this "lust" etc. Maybe I look at myself and my relationship with my wife... I have all these thoughts in my head.... part of me wants to break down and cry, as so many times before. The gemara in Yoma 74: says in the name of R' Zeira "Tov mar'eh aynayim mehalach nafesh.. Tov mar'eh aynayim b'isha, yoter m'gufah shel ma'aseh" To look is always better than the actual deed. It's the musings we conjure up in our minds that is exciting. It's intersting to note that scientifically, the sympathetic system is responsible for arousal, erection, while the parasympathetic system-which calms us down- is responsible for ejaculation. I always thought that the final Zing would be carried out by the system that is responsible for an excitatory response. In reality, you could say it's all over when that time arrives. Am I too deep? Anyone have any clue what I'm saying? Do I???
My original question is that chazal recognize human nature. To call it lust and label it a problem i.e. say I have a disease and to give me a cure seems extreme. Maybe I am in denial. See what I mean by thoughts in my head? Did chazal call that lust? maybe. but they stress controlling the yetzer. There is a book called Cheshbon Hanefesh which was written 150 years before Pavlov dogs, which really targets behavior modification. I recommend it highly. Chazal may tell us of Gedarim we should set but it's another thing to put it into practice.

Dear Penitent -
Yes, it is clear that the different nervous systems work that way, as I have shared with some people out of my own experience. I'll PM you something about that issue specifically.
I love you. Period. So, please consider taking what I will share with you the way it is meant - not at all as criticism - only as a sharing of my experience with you. Besides, as "imtrying25" will tell you, I haven't had a rant in a while, so it's about time....
You ask about SA's use of the term "Lust". You are bringing up chazals to understand the term, rather than using examples from your own personal experience with your own problem. I'm all for chazal, but if we  are trying to uncover what is really going on within us, it would seem that being honest with ourselves is far more important than what a sefer says.
If folks say this borders on apikorsus, then my response to them is that I'll gladly choose honesty in gehinom over dishonesty in Gan eden, any day. Why? Because the only thing that saved me from my personal gehinom in addiction - and it was gehinom (I need no chazal or sefer to tell me that) - was honesty. And in my case, I needed a chevra and a sponsor to help me do that. I found that in SA.
Besides, chazal tell us that this world is an olam hafuch - those who are high here are are low there. To me that includes us when our frumkeit that is external - only in our brains, like Eisav's big head. Trust me, when we inject some shameless personal honesty into the mix, Torah becomes incredibly more powerful as a force in our lives. V'anavim yirshu aretz. The one's who seem low on the outside, are really high. Kapeesh? 
On the other hand, being frummer did me no good, it was doomed to forever be a half-measure because - after all - I was the one defining and enacting the "frumkeit". It seems that you are in the same boat, otherwise why are you here?  ;D
Do you get what I mean?
What do chazal mean when they tell us: "Derech Eretz Kodmah L'Torah"? To me, this is exactly what they are talking about.
Don't look to the Torah to save you when you are insane. How can you expect to succeed while you'll be the one applying and measuring it? The basis of all frumkeit is personal responsibility. Darf zeyn a mentch, ershtence. The yidden at Har Sinai had to be healed before they could accept the Torah, right? Yidden need to have some basic mental health - specifically self-honesty - to use Torah successfully as instructions for living. Otherwise it's known, but not applied - hey! kind of like in our case, right? The GYE-er: a frum yid who just can't "get frum" in this area...drives us nuts, doesn't it?
In fact, a total shoteh is totally patur from the mitzvos. We in addiction are not true shotim, only full of "ruach" shtus. We are not p'turim, but seem doomed to fail at it. This insanity is clearly discussed in all 12 step literature. If you want to talk about it more, I'll gladly share my insanity with you (that sounds funny, doesn't it?).

So, I ask you (as chazal put it): how can a "chavush be matir himself from the beis ha'asurim"? Chazal inform us that he can't. And who is more of a chavush than an addict? No one, to me. Isn't the self-application of Torah exactly what all of us do for years and years until we make enough of a mess of things that we finally reach out for help, as you are?
Keep reaching for help. It's here.

Now, maybe we can talk about lust a bit.....
 

Thats it!! Im officially sponsering the book "A Daily Dose of Dov". That post just blew my mind. Wow.

Penitent; I hope you digest this sherr brilliancy. take it one word at a time. Digest it. And then read it again.

Just some friendly advice.

Dov,
Thanks for your words off wisdom. I'll have to read it over and over. I did get some of it. pls feel free to PM me. Looking forward to it.
P

penitent wrote on 03 Jan 2010 17:12:

dov wrote on 03 Jan 2010 22:18:
Rebbi i didnt know you had this nutty side to you?!? :D :D :D :D :D :D