Haba,
I just got here...
How you holding up?

I'm going to bed, I think I passed this one. It's really stupid cuz even with the filter, if I really want to beat it I'm sure I will be able to... so the filter coming shouldn't be scary, shouldn't be like I'm losing my freedom, I'm actually gaining the freedom to be a normal person again... but it is commitment on some level and it's scary sort of. Not scary in the Freddy Kruger vs. Jason type of way, more as in "Am I really ready to go clean....?" type of scary...

Anyway, let me run off to bed b4 I do anything.... Have a good/night day everyone... and I guess this means I'm clean 13 days but just by a fraction of a an inch (or maybe just the size of chudo shel machat!)

Hope you read this when you wake up, but just in case, good night.
And/or good morning.
"AM I REALLY READY TO GO CLEAN...?"
BIG QUESTION!!!
Sounds like you have an answer brewing over there.
Shkoyach and B"H for His helping you.
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!

Haba check your thread. Hope your doing better.

URGENT. what am i supposed to do when i miss the boy i used to chat with TONZ??? keep me back from starting againg!!!!!!

i guess i miss both. him and chatting. GOSH

Realize that we miss Hashem even more because we are distancing ourselves from Him by doing these things.

(wow did I really just type that?)


-Yiddle

well im trying. BUT IT DOESNT HELP!!!!  !!!! i keep telling myself that its not good, and nothing good is gnna come out of it but my heart doesnt rlly care at the moment...

Surrender to Hashem. You can't fight this battle. Say: "hashem I am putting this battle in your hands. I try to control things too much and maybe you are sending me this urge because of this or not, but either way, Hashem please remove the urge from me." Then go and do a trully selfless act. This is more or less what step 10 is. Try and see if it works. Tell me cause I wanna know if it works.

Hatzlocha Rabba

-Yiddle

Hello, I haven't really spoken up but I kind of felt ok the past few days because my wife was mutar to me.. Well , guess what, a few hours ago she said she was still"good". Then she tells me- sorry...it came. Typical. gets my hopes up-then it comes crashing down. I don't get the urge to M********e, but rather, how could looking at videos hurt? Of course I know the answer. That's why I am writing now instead of watching. My urges are low now but in 1-2 weeks...I know what will happen. This really is progress for me as I am using this as a venue to express myself and get my "demons " out there. Maybe they will leave. I just said kiddush levanah .I heard that the Roshei Teivos for "sheloh yeshanu et tafkidam" spells "Ishti" meaning kiddush levana is a segulah for a man's wife to have a normal cycle, which revolves around the moon. Good night and thanks for listening.
Penitent

thanx yiddle!!!!! i guess im just gnna turn off my computer -so i dont do anything stupid- and go to bed. i did what u wrote, the urge is still here, but im stronger. thanx! g'nite

Rage ATM wrote on 30 Dec 2009 03:02:


Funny, I was speaking about this with Rav S last night.
He says that we don't really miss the person per se, but rather the feeling we get when we are with them.
Our job is to learn how to feel that way with our spouse.

Rage ATM wrote on 30 Dec 2009 03:02:


U still use her as your password for every site you have? No wonder why you still miss her! You think about her every day, every time you sign into any site? I never allow anything from any of the hers in my life to be anywhere near my consciousness and for the most part I don't think about them.....

why do you torture yourself so?

OK, here we go,
Just cracked my wifes e-mail password, now I can get K-9 to send me a temp password(it goes to her e-mail) and reset the whole thing- I havent fallen for a while, I doubt that she'll check K-9 in the near future and realize that I changed the settings for a litlla AAAHHHHHHHHH, shleped myself here before actually doing going through with it... hoping that I will fall asleep reading all these threads that I fell behind on, or get enough chizuk to get me through the night- got to get her to change that password tomorrow....

or how about u just go to sleep now?
would that help?