lamed vavnik wrote on 28 Oct 2009 16:32:


I take back what I said.  No grieving for now - you need to be in survival mode to, b'Ezras Hashem, avoid letting this go any further.

Hatzlacha!

7up wrote b/f i can't find where that she feels the need to  act out even without taivah just to taste oblivion (is that right?) . i don't know if that's what i fealt today but i def. didn't have any desire, it was just "oh, i have an open internet comp. i should really try to look at p**n , it's the only chance i'll have for a while." it was very calm , no taivah, no insane drives . it seemed so calm and rational  at the time . now i look back and hear craziness and irrationality. and now after it's over after i have no more access , is when the taivah is raging like a monster and won't let me breath . hours later the taivah comes .what have i got some delyed reaction ?  . seriously still trying to stay clean.H' help me. 

focus on that last sentence. go chop a mincha and beg.

wrong time zone kiddo but i 'll go chop a maariv and beg . amazing how hard it is to think of H' when you need him most.

When your talking to Hashem

Ask him to give Guard a hand here.

He's very late on his Chizuk email,

Must have writers block

(Or so busy censoring my posts...... Just kidding I forgive you)

you can also talk in english/ivrit.
helps me to have a more real connection when the connection's strained.

Me3 wrote on 28 Oct 2009 18:51:


I was also wondering about the Chizuk Email being late;)

  I thing that Rabeinu Guard. Doesent realize how important the chizuk is to the subscribers ))

Noorah BAmram wrote on 28 Oct 2009 18:57:


Thats it, Lamed Vavnik!
Look up something cool and inspiring and post it in the lonely Beis Medrash. Either Guard will steal it as an ACE, Kedusha will edit it  (I know, he's sober now) or Me3 and EL will find a way to make you laugh over it.

Beats the taiva, no?

you know what ,it actually does , i think, thanks. ;D  i'm going to go doven and then fake being inspired and write some fake inspiring chizuk . : ???

As long as you fake fall too, that's fine.

yeah , i wish . the images are killing me . they're really strong. i dovened i asked for help, but not too much oommph in it . i'm feeling kind of numb .

When I screw up, I need to do my best to get busy with all my heart (attention) with anything useful (preferably to someone else, if possible).  Then I share exactly what I did with another program guy as explicitly as possible (for both of us) and get into the stepwork I am up to soon after (that evening, or whatever).
Another biggie is to let the experience of looking at stuff I have no business looking at let me see how much weaker the images were before I renewed them in my brain! May I never fool myself to think, "well, I've got the old images in my head already anyhow, what harm will these cause?" Another stinky lie. (AA calls it "stinkin thinkin" - yiddish: "ah farshtunkineh chezhbin" sorry, Mama) Everything only get worse when I use lust, never better. So as bad as they are now, is the best things can be right now. Why I'd ever make them even worse is good proof that I'm an addict. That means: nuts. We need sanity, not "self-improvement". Right?
Now that we know what we need, let's all get to work!

I finally got to put my Sukka away yesterday morning, and I sprained my back while doing it... So I was typing the chizuk e-mail yesterday with excruciating pain, every move was like "YOW!"... I guess that's why it was late. Sorry guys.

Oh, but the good news is that it finally rained this morning seriously for the first time in Israel. I feel bad having made Hashem wait until I finally put my Sukka away for that. Maybe that's why I deserved the back sprain.  :-[

DESERVED WHATEVER

EAT A GOOD DILL
MAKE A LCHAIM

REFUAH SHELEIMA TO OUR PRECIOUS REB GUARD!!

No? Not so good, huh? Oh......

Oh, never mind. I just can't do it like Reb b....no matter how hard I try. :-[ :'(

Refuah Sheleimah!