Ah! The pressure is so intense that I feel it all the way in NY

we humans need what's called a "pressure relief valve" or else we explode or bust! This absolutely normal!!

And the fact that its aseres ymei tshuvah doesn't help when we keep telling ourselves,  I shouldn't be feeling like this" or I should do more" -

Imho (that's in my humble opinion). the word "should" and "shouldn't" are a dirty word it just cranks up the pressure and most of the time its erroneous - for all things considered u are doing mighty well!!

Love Noorah

Kanesher, do you get the Shmiras Ainayim chizuk e-mails as well? If not, tell me. I want to send you yesterday's. I think it can offer some good perspective to answer your questions and your pain. Also, the "Daily Dose of Dov" from yesterday's e-mail can give you some good perspective on why you should give it up.

Also, see this page: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ41.asp

To help with the overwhelming triggers, try tip #11 on this page: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Tips/TipsPractical.asp

HI Kanesher, hope you dont mind me responding to your call for help.



Shouldnt pleasure leave us feeling good afterwards?

The pressure can make you nuts if you dont dilute it somehow. How about a walk? Every dalad amos in Eretz Yisrael is zchar. Chalk up points while letting off the steam!




Imho2!

Good luck ,
7up

Kanesher i am not married yet.
but i can say this.
ive gone out with pretty ditzy girls before who have no sense of tznius and let me just say:
you got bored as heck with them.
you dont really enjoy being with them except for when ur having sex.
so be happy that u married this deep woman.

-uri

Holy Kanesher,

What Guard wrote about therapy is ancient wisdom from the wisest of all men "daagah blev ish yischenah". The right one can go a long way in being a "lachatz relief valve"

Take it from Shlomah Hamelech

With love and prayers

still here. still breathing.

Uri wrote on 22 Sep 2009 11:47:


Tireh Uri,

I had the exact same experiences. I mean, you let them babble while you look at them and then you get bored and look at someone else and you go "uh hu? really? Split ends? Twice in one week? Really? uhhu?"

But now that I'm married I wonder if I erred. Maybe it was all a joke; maybe sex is really what matters? Frankly, I've never gone that far - maybe that's where happiness is? Heck, I know I'm not happy now!!

LOL
your post made me  :D

but i can solve your solution.
if youre looking for an object,they sell these inflatable dolls.
and just mas****
sex you can find.
nothing to do with marriage.
a wife is a different story altogether
that much(little?) ive learnt in my short life.
im not gonna try to get drunk on kiddush.
if i want kiddush,ill make kiddush.
if i want to get drunk,ill drink.
you hear?

touche Uri!  ;D

Ok, now you got me laughing. You win.

But isn't that the question - who needs kiddush when you can get stoned?

Yeah, but when you marry the doll it has several maalos -

1) Often, a lot of money
2) A clean house
3) A constant stream of incessant babble; does wonders as white noise.


And then you get to use her without any torah guilt, and you can even learn in Kollel.

See? Pity the fool who actually married a person!

They say that after the act, the pillow is prettier than the woman.

true. So?

Kanesher,

Let me speak from experience: if there is no holiness in your life you will get bored/sick/frustrated with your wife no matter how beautiful she is. If you think that had you married the ditz you wouldnt be looking at other women then you are dead wrong. As a human, but especially as a lust addict, you will ALWAYS be hungry for more. Whether your wife is hot as aitch or not, it makes no difference at all. About three weeks ago, while in the middle of surfing for pr0n when that night my very beautiful wife was going to the mikva, i came upon this site and i said "i am not an animal." I wanted to regain some form of jewish dignity.

whether you are currently in a healthy, long lasting marriage, i dont know. But i do know that (1) you will NEVER be able to tell until you rid yourself of this addiction and (2) your addiction will NEVER EVER make your life better and will absolutely never make you happier and it certainly wont convert your relationship into one that is a healthy long-lasting relationship.

Keep fighting
ratm

I'm laughing, Kanesher & Uri.   Sometimes things look so different than they really are it's impossible for the person involved to see the clear truth, Kanesher, sounds like one of those situations.

Great post, RATM.