Just falling,depressed,everything is falling down around me,I can't take this anymore,Hashem please help me.

Drink lchaim. How will falling help the depression.

I am despairing.

Pm me

Im about fall!!
help

you can IM me on the site

I am about to fall, I can't anymore, I found a simple way around my filter and I'm going crazy, Iv'e been clean for 17 days, But I know I'm can't stay sober because I didn't have internet those 17 days.  I now have a 2 minute work around to my filter and i'm doomed, doomed doomed.  Filters are not going to keep me clean, neither is webchaver or anything else, i just don't have what it takes to stay sober.

I do not have what it takes, either. I know exactly how you feel, MosheF. And I am not kidding at all.

The program was not made for those who think deep down inside that they have what it takes, or could or should have what it takes. It is b'Ikar made for true, chronic losers like you and me who are shocked to see that we do not have what it takes and are completely and utterly hopeless.

I definitely cannot live without lust, porn, masturbation, sex, dirty phone calls, cruising, and the many other things I do when I act out. I cannot live without them because I am an addict. No shame here, cuz I proved that it is true over many years, over and over. I need no blood tests, psychoanalysis, nor CAT scans to prove this to me. And just because I have been sober for a while proves nothing, because I never beat it! All I did was give it up and get help to not get restarted - to keep giving it up. I did not fight it away, that's for sure. And right now, I am probably even more powerless than I ever was over lust - yet I am still sober today thank G-d, since the day I finally got the help I really needed in 1997. I am not "strong", and it is not natural and makes no sense to me. But here I am and here we are. Like other types of sober drunks, life is transformed.

My favorite message to a person who is an addict is this: You can't do it.

It probably would not make a very good banner for GYE, but for an addict, it is precious, precious lifeblood. Boruch Hashem for today's sobriety and life is very, very good.

Anyone can do what I am doing. Anybody who wants to.

Moshe - some day you're going to Thank Hashem for this moment. Yes - the filter solution is a myth for anyone with a strong pull towards this stuff. You can't stay sober - BH you've come to realize that. The good news is that Hashem can help and He wants to help you. Reach out to Him and reach out to other people. Don't take this alone - there's just no way it's going to work.

Please PM me and we can talk. I want to help you and Hashem won't give up on you. He loves you too much and He is the only one who can make you succeed.

Dear MosheF

Your last post was in December, and yet you are only clean for 17 days. Why the emergency today? It's doubtful that we are going to be able to offer you meaningful support if you post every 5 months or so. But whatever the case I wish you well.  You do realize taht if you are not working on the root cause of your struggles even you win this battle you are not winning the war.

Have you ever thought about joining one of the 12 steps calls. They work Wonders for many people

It's a difficult forum to get used to.  Real person group meetings would seem to be the key.  Truth be told, I feel I have conquered my lust addiction (clean from internet use for 6+ months and no m*... for like 3+ years...)  Although mind you I guess I have "slipped" and gone to inappropriate places which probably means I am in total denial.  I still have the urge to go to massage places, because my wife has been ignoring my needs... i've been clean from massage places for like 2 months, but now again, I have these incredible urges to return...  I remember how terrible I felt when I went last time... all my prayer and spiritual work, down the tube, it took me these two months to get so high, back to deveikut, and now, I feel the urge, to descend to the level of behema.  I used to look at those massage places and pity the fool that went in there... Now I'm that guy.  And all these rationalizations - hey, didn't Shlomo Hamelech end up with 800 wives and 300 concubines?  It's not like these urges are foreign to my people... anyhow all this rambling I'm not sure what I'm trying to say.  I guess, yes, me too, on the verge of failing...

On the Edge,

I'm the 1st to tell you that the 12 steps conference calls is not for everyone, but I sincerely feel you would be headed towards a new life of happiness and sobriety if you joined them. I apologize for putting it this way, but I say this out of love and concern: You're in the midst of a mad spin cycle and there is a way out. There is a solution. If you've had enough of this and your DONE with it it's time to join the program that has helped thousands (millions?) of addicts like you. If you really want to change, which I'll admit is not easy to say, then I see no other option.

YVY

YVY - thank you for your sincere advice and recommendation.  At this point I have tried everything and it's not working so I know I have to try something new, so bli neder I will join the phone conference.  Thank you for seeing through the words!  You nailed it - total spin cycle.  Cured one day, see the light, reading the Vilna Gaon and understanding everything with amazing clarity, then POOF!  BeHEMA!  On the side of the Sitra Achra.  Anyhow I'll look at the times and try my best for the next phone in.  Gcd should bless you b'chol etz u'vchol sha-ah bishlomecha.

On the Edge - you made my day. I see you really want to be done with this. There are so many people on this site who can describe the same spin cycle. You know how many times I've read Siman 23 in Even HaEzer??? There are some calls which are running now, and there a few starting in 2 weeks. Join in and introduce yourself. Reaching out to others is KEY to sobriety. I'm sure the Sifrei Mussar have told you many times that the YH breeds when you enter isolation. Much Hatzlacha my friend. Looking forward to hearing good news from you. I have NO doubt that it's attainable.