Thanks. Bards

Beautiful Be Holy! Just right for today Rosh Chodesh Elul

I need help, at work , is there a way to IM via this forum? Its hard to talk on the phone right now.
ready to cave in

There are a few ways that you can send a PM <Private Message>:

By clicking on either the little quote icon under the person you are trying to write to's username (There is a little circle in it if he is currently online);

or by clicking the small box on the side of their name (It is green when he is currently online);

or by going to 'messages' on the top of every page.




(among other methods....)

FMS,

How you holding up?

You can also trade gmail account addresses with another member, and use gchat.

sorry. i have to log off and leave the office. no connectivity until tomorrow a.m. Chazak v'amatz!

Thank you Steve and Yosef Hatzaddik, your help prevented a fall, many zchusim to you.

Amen! May this zchus help keep me kosher too!

And I must thank Hashem for giving me the opportunity for "Being of Service".    :D

FMS,

shkoyach to you for reaching out!

Hi all,

Okay, a quick one. Its been months since I've posted. I was clean for about 130 days until sometime last week. Basically, I became a chosson about two and a half months ago, roughly. I had been doing amazing, my pc is fenced with 2 filters that are really useful, and things were going well.
My engagement has been ..... stressful. Very, very stressful. Not with my callah (who I'm very happy with), but with parents, wedding planning, my mom has been sick, work, have an exam to write, and on and on. Our wedding was something that was really giving me a lot of chizuk once I had been clean for so long - someone to wait for, someone to be loyal to . . .

I've been really struggling. About a week ago I had a sleepless night, and was feeling really really stressed out and my teivas nashim was just enormous - and I found myself in front of my father's pc, and fell. I tried to brush it off and carry on as best I can, but now I just find myself fighting to just walk past it. My yetzer hara is battering me - 'youre stressed, youre tired, you need to relax, dont worry about looking, youre not married yet ...'. Aaargh! I'm so frustrated even feeling like this! I got through the summer here in London without falling, and now I'm really struggling.

I found myself looking at stuff I really really shouldnt be not 5 minutes ago - I'm running away now to a friend's house just to get away, but tonight is a different story. In Elul noch, even better

*sigh*

sR

Sonic,

I really identify with your situation.  During the time I was dating and engaged I always tried especially hard to stay on the straight and narrow.....but as time goes on I couldn't keep it going. I did make it through dating and engagement and them then assumed after marriage it would just wrap itself up and go away.

It didn't.

Lust was there the same as always.  Of course I tried even harder to white-knuckle it but at the end of the day in a head on battle with the Yetzer, he is going to win every time.  I have not really had comfortable success till coming into SA.  I learned to stop fighting it.  Yes, you heard me.  Stop fighting it.  I learned to say "I give up.  I'm defeated.  There is no way I can beat this in the long term on my own.  God, I need YOU to do it for me." 

It works.

Sounds strange but it does.  So the bad news is marriage may very well not solve any of your problems with lust.  Good news is, you don't need it to.  There is a solution out there and marriage is not a necessary ingredient for it.  I'm finding that the SA program and fellowship are working wonders.

Hatzlacha!

Thanks for the chizuk Jooboy   I'm feeling better now, an afternoon spent with a friend just helped me to chill out a bit. I still have a bit of nagging at the back of my head, but I think I have enough to get on with tonight to keep me ok. Boredom I've found is always very very bad news. I just need to watch myself for a few days I think, daven hard, keep busy.

I've davened often for H' to carry it for me and to help me - but I really don't understand what you mean by 'stop fighting and let H' do it for me'. Can you elaborate or explain?

Will post again if things I find myself struggling.

Thanks,
sR

sR: I won't get into much 'substance' on this SOS thread, but I remember enough about you to know that you have enormous kochos. Just this week, you've already figured out how to escape from an unfiltered computer during a very stressful chapter of life (engagement). Wow.

PM me for more details if you like, but I'd suggest that everything you do now should be focused on the Marriage. Not the parents, not your stress, not even the kallah herself, but on building a strong foundation of a Marriage. As in, "is this choice GOOD for the marriage, or BAD for the marriage."

I know that you want the best possible marriage. So, you'll make the best possible decisions. PM.

Holy Yid! Just saw ur wonderful vort, its really amazing, will iy"h follow it