Hey,
I am have been in very prominent Yeshivot for a while and have a severe problem with this issue. I don't remember the last week that I didn't masturbate or the last bein hazemanim that I have not looked at porn on a daily basis. I have a lot of hasmadah, learn all the sedarim, but late at night or during the breaks I have often looked at stuff on my phone and masturbated in the bathroom or shower. I am known as a shtark bochur but I felt so empty the rest of the day that this is who I am and its hard to live with myself - here I am investing so much time in learning and I am such a sick pervert. I just started with guard your eyes as a friend referred me to it and i am hoping that this will be the first bein hazemanim where i at least dont look at porn and hopefully dont masturbate. I put the web guard on my phone but i often looked at things that arent officially porn but close enough to get past it and turned it off very often so it didn't work and before yom kippur i took internet off my phone because I saw how sick I was and can't be trusted to stop this behavior and really need to separate completely.
I got involved in this around age 13 and am now in my early 20s and single. I am thinking about shidduchim etc, and I cant believe anyone would want to marry me if they knew. I am such a screwed up person and need help. How could someone be in the yeshiva system and masturbate daily??? How can he be happy in a marriage? With some support from a good friend of mine, I have gotten to a streak and today if all goes well will be day 8. But its bein hazemanim now and its so easy to access all this stuff and its only been almost 24 hours and i have been clean so far but have such urges now its very hard and need help. i put on k9 filter but i know the password so that doesn't help. i want to put on webchaver but it costs money and its going to be awkward explaining to my parents what it was for because they are the ones who get the credit card statements and look over every charge...... thanks so much everyone and hopefully i will have a great bein hazemanim.... its going to be tough, and the yetzer hara is getting stronger by the day...
on my laptop though in yeshiva i have a blocker which i dont know the password to so that is not a problem but still i can masturbate without the porn....
thanks and please leave support or feedback or advice to help me .... thanks!!!!
bein hazemanim is so long and i have so much time by myself as my siblings are at school and parents at work...
i have such a strong urge now just to go on to a porn website and jack off.... help!
also i have good keshers with some rabbeim but i feel i would destroy everything i have gained and built in regard to reputation if i talk to them about it, or even let them know even some of the extent of the problem

hey there,

I remember feeling like it would be impossible to have a clean bein hazmanim. How could I stop for a whole bein hazmanim if I could barely stop for a good amount of time in Yeshiva?
The first time I got through a whole BH is when I already had a whole month behind me. I just didn't want to ruin the streak.
I realized that I would just have to put up proper fences and set myself up for success.
I think if you put up proper fences, you'll be ok. Remember, webchaver is a tool, it's not gonna stop you from mas****. You have to want to stop. Fences only come after wanting to stop. So, I think it would be great if you got webchaver but you can manage even without it as long as you set up other appropriate fences.
BTW, just tell your parents that you want Web chaver b.c. the rabbis say that you have to have that or a filter or something.

hi Goodjewishboy,

welcome to the site. you will find lots of people here who share your struggle. the good news is that there is a way to help yourself. read the handbook and read what others have done with an open mind.

one of the tools used is to focus only on today. don't worry how you will last the whole bein hazmanim. focus on today. get through today - or even the next 15 minutes - clean. when the next day comes you will deal with it. you only live in the present.

wishing you lots of hatzlocha.

here is the official welcome package
Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
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Dear good jewish boy. yo wrote:
I am such a screwed up person and need help. How could someone be in the yeshiva system and masturbate daily??? How can he be happy in a marriage?

answer:
as you will see on this website you are actualy quite normal and B"H healthy which is why you have these natural urges (even if not so more because you are in the yeshivah system). you know it is wrong and want to stop the two most crucial parts to recovery (in my opinion). you will stop eventualy simply because you want to. you will never give up even if you chas vshalom fall. we will not let you. and that will lead to your im yertzah hashem happy marriage (even if you dont fully recover beforehand).

you wrote:

i have good keshers with some rabbeim but i feel i would destroy everything i have gained and built in regard to reputation if i talk to them about it, or even let them know even some of the extent of the problem

answer:
you should have a rebbi you you feel loves you. and the fact that you are afraid of destroying your relationship with them is a good sign. is you feel uncomfortable talking to any of them about your issue try to find a rabbi in your comunity who you are not afraid of. don't worry you would be suprised what rabbis have to deal with (look around at these forums for an incling).

good luck
from a fellow yeshivah bocher now B"H learning in Kollel and happily married. see my post in the "breaking free" section on how i beat (well not really beat but suppressed) my addiction.