I am so thankful that I found this site , I am on the road to recovery but first going through the depts of hell. Let me first start out that I am from the consertative side of Judiasm and also a convert but this cancer crosses all lines, it knows no boundries. For me it started with the viewing and downloading of adult pornography. After a while that was not enough for me and I progressed to child pornography. I was arrested and sentensed to 2 years federal prison.I can't even start to explain how this has effected my life.I was a health care professional and a college professer for over 20 years. I lost the abilty to teach or return to my life long career( I am working on the return of my professional license.) We have gone through all of our retirement funds and now on foodstamps. I thank Hashem every day for the support of my family and friens which include from our congregration for without them I would never have been able to survive this.
Let me say pornography IS a cancer, a living cancer, once you start , it takes control of your life and for some it can take you down a very dark road.
I think this site is grEt nomatter  what affeliation you are, we are ALL jews who need help
and only working together we can help each other.
With Hashems help we all will get through this and break free of this thing that tries to control us.

If there is anyone out there that can give me any words of help or guidance .
Baruch Hashem
yitzack

Hi Yitzchak,

You remind me of the story of a dear friend posted here just a few days ago. Read some of his posts and his story written here as well. You really aren't alone!

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

Elazar ben Durdayah

Wow!  What terrible, embarassing consequences you suffered in this world.  It just makes me so grateful I was able to recover with my life as I know it intact.  So thank you for helping me appreciate what I have.

So you're out of jail and out of money.  I got that part.  You have what sounds like a fabulously supportive family (wife?) and community.  Baruch Hashem!

What I didn't hear is where you are in the recovery process.  Are you 12-stepping?  Seeing a therapist?  Still fantasizing and looking?

There are great resources here, including stories of people in high and trusted position addicted and acting out.

Welcome to the GYE community!

Alex

I know what you are going through.  I am living the same hell and fighting for my professional license.  I cannot say that I am a great source of spiritual chizuk since I still have many questions but therapy is helping to pave the way.  All the best-Chaim Chuna

Chaimchuna,

we are so happy to see you back here. Stay wih us. We love you. Hoshem loves you.

in reply to alexeliezer coments , I have started therapy. It started  right after the arrest( I wish I had started it long before), my wife and I started marrige counseling and included family therapy as well as my children . I voluntered for a 1 year SOMP ( sex offender management program) while I was incarserated.I am now following up with group meetings weekly .I now understand the underlying reasons for me to turn to the computer and the reasons that I was trying to escape . we ( my wife and I ) are working on this on a daily basis trying to learn from this and move forward and we have made great strides.I could not  and would not have made it through this night mare if not for the full support of my wife and children and also the full support of our small congregration.

Thank you for your warm welcome and I look forward to being a regular here , and more importantly I hope I can be of some help
Yitzack 

Yitzchak,
Your experience will be put to good use here.
Glad to have you with us as we slowly change the world!
Alex