My battle against PA has turned into a two front one. On the one front I am battling ( very well at present ) PA. I have had NO urges in a month, and of course six months before that.
However there is another front, the home front, and that is spiraling out of all control. Is it common for the other half to not have faith in one because of a slip up(s)? Is a relationship doomed by continual suspicion?
I fear this is the price I am paying for slipping up. We are growing further apart and despite feeling strong and resisting ANY urge to falter, I feel I have already lost something.
On the one front I am resolved and strong.....the other front is a total disaster.

Kvetched

Maybe you need to let your other half now how much you love her and that she is the most important woman in your life.

Sure, you may feel tempted by the allure of other beautiful woman, but which man can honestly say he isn't? He wouldn't be human if he wasn't. As long as you're trying your best and she understands and know that you are making as much progress as you can, then maybe that's a basis for trust.

Hope things improve.

BW,

DL

kvetched wrote on 11 Jul 2011 20:21:


My life is a completely open-book to my wife (OK, except for secret birthday presents and other little surprises )

After a while of internal and external healthiness, together with some openness and attention, things usually get better.

Your history is, I'm sure, long.  The trust might take a while to earn back.

Many thanks DL and Yossi for that. Things seem to have improved of late though I am very ayef. The pressure of it all does not in any way make me want to "regress", on the contrary" I am very resolved. Just don't need a "double fight" at this moment in time.

The two front thing really now has become a single front thing! Just as everything is going so well on the PA front, and it is, then the personal life just goes!
I suppose this is the price we pay for viewing the stuff in the first place. My relationship is dying and no matter what I do and no matter how well I am doing......I've lost her trust, love and future!
Let my tale be a warning to all.

A therapist told me it takes 3 years of working to dispel of major trust breakers.

She was talking about infidelity, I don't know how to translate that here.

I would say it depends on how your wife views what you did.

If there were no other marital issues before this,and she is showing a lot of distrust I would assume she views it as real cheating.

There are certain trust building steps that you can do. Like speaking out what you're gonna do and then doing it. Like always being on time.like anticipating what shell need in any given situation and being there. Look them up. See what works.
it dosent help just to lie low if its a trust issue.

Also it could very well be that the better you do on the pa front,the more you trust yourself,  the less you show remorse and acknowledgement of your mistake.
Just because you may feel great about your progress dosent and feel that its behind you,dosent mean shes not still living in the shock and disgust mode.

Give her time
give her love
Give her trust above all. Your love is basically meaningless without trust.

Hang in there.