Guys I need your help here, I feel like my insides are dying, when will I stop falling, I love G-D Love the Torah, But hate what I am doing for myself.

There is so much guilt, pain, and just endless shame, at one point I was clean for 203 days, WOW. i couldn't believe I made it, now I pray for a week perhaps two weeks of being clean, I just want some of that pureness that I tasted for a short time in my life, I want that innocence back, I believe I can have it back, but it seems to elude me, to run away from me.

right now I am sober for a few minutes, I will check in every once in a while and keep you posted on my progress.

the next check point is right before shabbos today, in around 6-8 hours. please pray for me i need all the support I can get.

Thank you from down under.

welcome reb dovid!, you came to the right place for help!
i believe that you can have it back also!\
im davening for you.

Just an hour clean. thank you guys for your help.

i know to some of you this may be a small thing being clean for such little time, but I am desperate so i am counting minutes and hours.

Reb Dovid,
It sounds like maybe you need a larger repertoire of things to do with your life and your mind.
You've been sober before, you'll do it again.  Starting with today.
Rooting for you,
Alex

Thank you Alex for your support.

I am not sure what you mean by a larger repertoire of things to do with your life and your mind.

Please explain.

i have had such a relapse, you can break free much easier bec you know how good it feels, just do it and dont look back and don't worry (for now) about the fall!

Going through some real rough time, had a slip not a fall. thank G-D caught myself right away.

I need help.

Thank you for your support.