ok so i am peacefully continuing my married life in 99.5% abstinence ..... merrily minding my own business, not looking around too much, trying not to pay too much attention to anything i shouldnt.....then suddenly - wife unexpectedly away!  It's not a problem initially for like 5 minutes, but then i think "hmmm what if..."?

Now the ONLY way i could talk myself out of it was saying "remember how ugly family life got LAST time you did that?  remember how so much chaos ensued?"

Yes, it stopped me.  But only out of cowardly fear.  Not out of any great moral or spritual loftiness.

So anyway, just checking in.  We won the battle tonight, but YH going to be regrouping :-)

5770 wrote on 05 Jul 2011 04:30:


Hold onto the cowardice?

(really)

Do it 5 minutes at a time.

HOW ARE WE DOING THIS MORNING?

I would think that for somebody in your situation, your wife being away would be easier?

why would it be easier ?

for all the trials that she creates :-) :-) her presence at least stops me acting out...

But why? Are you working on yourself for her or for yourself?

And just curious about her perspective on this, since she's not religious and since she knows that you have no "intimate relationship" together, what does she expect from you? To live like a monk, for the rest of your life?

5770 wrote on 05 Jul 2011 04:30:


You are a moral person.  This is an addiction.  Whatever it takes to beat the addiction is all that matters.  You're bothered by that morally it doesn't disturb you?  This is not a problem.  We've repeated this aveira so many times that we're probably permanently spiritually numb in this area.  Intellectually we know it's morally wrong, even if we don't feel it.  That's probably the best we can do.  It is still precious to Hashem.  It's our best.

Me3 wrote on 06 Jul 2011 14:03:


she tells me she's not a worthy wife, and that i am free to leave her, split up our family and remarry.