I am doomed.

What in the world is that supposed to mean?

???

Talk to us...

Im giving up
no more mind games
I can't do it

What do you mean by "mind games"?

The addiction or recovery?

Don't play mind games, they never work. Join a 12 steps call. If that does not work join a live group.

There were people worse than you who have happy lives now.

wannabehappy wrote on 22 Jun 2011 21:39:


Hi doomed who wants to be happy.  Some people may be depressed by your post, frankly I think it is great news.  Because if you are doomed then you recognize you can't do it on your own.  Of course, God can help you.  After all He created the world and has been running it ever since.  Your porblems should easy in the scheme of things.  Ach, you may be thinking, but why would He want to help little me, with everything I did wrong.  The answer is simple because He loves you (more than you love yourself).  Otherwise He wouldn't have created you (remember he is a Rachman and a Tov U'Meitiv).  So get yourself into a 12 step group (live, virtual whatever) and since you know you're doomed on your own, listen to what more experienced people (who have recovered from much worse than what you've done) and you'll not only wanting to be happy, you'll actually be happy.  Much Hatzlacha

The recovery seems to need all sorts of mind games.like surrendering control.
like one day at a time.

I don't consistently have the time or emotional energy to fight.

This is much more of a commitment than I can handle. I would have to find a new job. Something with structure.

Aahh I can't think.
I wish there would be somebody to just tell me exactly what to do.

I will join a 12 step. See if that works.

Don't have the time to fight?

Because you aren't wasting any time now watching porn or whatever else you do?

Dear wannabehappy;

I’m not sure if you got the official welcome when you started here. This is what it says in the beginning  “Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up! “ (If you need the full welcome, let us know).

So, once you started, there is no way back. We will just not allow one of our friends to leave us. We love you and want you here for you recovery and forever.

Remember there no such a thing of giving up. It just does not exist here. I once saw in a sefer about the “Bas Kol” “Shivi Bonim Shovuvim Chitz M’Acher” all the sefurim say that even though, Acher still had a chance to do teshuva, the bas kol was only there to increase the level of his nisayon. However, the question is, what did hoshem expect from Acher, if he heared a bas kol directly from hoshen that he does not have a chance to do teshuva, why was Acher expected to try to do teshuva?, if hoshem said he will not accept him, why was he expected to try.

The sefer answers (I think orvi nachal), that if Acher didn’t have a chance anymore he would have died immediately, just for the fact that he saw that he was still living, that meant that he still had a purpose for living and chance to improve and be a ball teshuva and hoshem still expected from Ascher to do teshuva.

Remember, as long you are alive you still have a chance, if hoshem would realize (never ever) that you have no chance any more he would immediately take you back, he wouldn’t keep you on this world just to torture you.

Don’t even try to give up so fast, you are only here for a short while (about six weeks from your first post), just look around on this site get advice from people, you can see that people that were much worse then you in all levels were able to recover, so, there is no reason, you shouldn’t be able, as long as you try and don’t give up.

Were you really doomed, you would not feel the need to tell us that.  I think you could fall lower.  I've seen doomed people, and they don't reach out for help by telling others.  You might want to be doomed, because it is, at least, a clear path and a conclusion.  But that just is not true.

Depression and despondence is not becoming on you - you should take it off.  When you are depressed, everything seems impossible, and what you yearn for (in many cases) is to "switch off".  In your mildly lucid moments, you wish for change, but it's a mild yearning, and so people look for pills, or solutions without thought/effort/choice.  They reach out in minor, self-deprecating ways.  Especially to virtual people.  In my case it was not because I was scared of failure, but because I was scared of success.  Depression was a comfortable place in which to hide from the world.  Depression brings with it a "sense of impending doom".

Are you trying things that work, or things you know will fail, for your current depressive state?  why do you want to stop being depressed?  What are you living for?

PS - in my (foolish) opinion, you need to deal with your depression at least as much (if not much, much more) than anything else.  Were you not depressed, would you (a) be "falling", or (b) care about your falls?  Or is the "falling" just a great way to stay in your depression, to convince yourself that you are broken?  Or am I waaaaaaay off the mark, and your root problem is your lust addiction, and everything else stems from that, and my entire post should be disregarded, and is null and void?

Wannabehappy, you are getting some great advice.

just want to point out that a habit/addiction won't go away in a day or a week, much as many of us would wish for that. something so much ingrained in our mind and body will take a lot of effort and time to change. not a gigantic one-time effort like picking up a car, rather a daily effort at giving recovery the priority it deserves.

live in the present. right now, here, today, you as you are now. not next year and not some idealized version of yourself you wish for.

there are steps you can take to get to where you want to go. sometimes they are unpleasant, but they are worth it.

and remember to share your journey with others. the support and assistance of others are invaluable.

wishing you much hatzlocha
zs

Hi friend!

You can be weary of doing what it takes to be sober and be happy,
or be weary of being run ragged by the addiction and be unhappy.
Either way you're drained (at least in the beginning) but you wanna be happy.
It does get easier, I promise.

And stop fighting so hard.  Scream out to Hashem, "take my lust, I don't want to lust."

One temptation at a time.  One minute of sobriety. One hour. One day.
You have to do this.
Alex

Theres no such thing as "no hope." Rav Nachman says אם אתה מאמין שיכולים לקלקל, תאמין שיכולים לתקן If you believe breaking is possible, believe fixing is possible. There are many people here who were likely in a lot worse situation than yours and have gotten through their problems.

Dont expect a quick fix. You were sick for who knows how many months or years. Expect it to take time and effort and always remember IT IS WORTH IT!

With Hashem on your side theres NOTHING YOU CANT DO!

Every morning when we get up we say Modeh Ani. The last line is Rabah Emunasecha "Great is YOUR faith" We are thanking Hashem for His faith in us! If we were hopeless and didn't stand a chance, what would be the point of Him letting us wake up?
If the creator of the world believes in you it's a safe bet that you can have a little belief in yourself. 

Chazak V'Ematz

Maybe my test is to to fail miserably in this area and not fall apart in others.
the same way everybody says that they're sick not evil because they developed this so early....the same way I wasn't given bechira on the way in...