New Cycle of Dov's Desperados 12-Step call

The Dov's Desperados in-depth 12 step call will be starting a new cycle Sunday Jan 15th. For more info, email Dov at wequithiding@gmail.com - and please have a very nice day.

Someone wrote after a fall:

The charatah is finally kicking in..... I am on the verge of tears.... what will I say to the Borei Olam? What will be left of me?What will I take with me to the next world? Tatte!! "oy lee vay lee... oy lee miyom hadim, oy lee miyom hatocheicha..." I shed many tears today...

Dov Responds:

The G-d I know, patted me on the head one day and helped me see that:

... I need not be afraid of chadrei chadorim any more - because I invite others into it when I openly admit the truth about my behavior in (safe) meetings.

... I need not worry about whether I have charata or not - because the ikkar was 'chosair min haseifer' all the years that I had the charata. Today I've got the ikkar... I am sober today.

... I can really trust Him (at least sometimes!) to give me what I need when I need it. And that includes charata as much as it includes intimacy and sex (and they are both parts of avodas Hashem, so I won't say "l'havdil"...)

... I can't pay much attention to my aveiros - I can look at Hashem instead. (I've embarked on the path of shivisi Hashem lenegdi somid, rather than the path of vechatosi negdi somid. I need to do what works for me.

... When I do what I need to do, Hashem will help me lose the secrets and lies; get the charata; get the love; and be mekayem "vechatosi negdi somid" - somehow too.

... I screwed up running my life, and I even screwed up doing teshuvah - but it's gonna be OK because now I am finally learning how to work for a different Employer than me.

... All the charata and years of sobriety or kedusha in the world is not worth a single moment of comfortable subservience to Hashem's Will. He is the Boss. Once we accept that, He seems to allow all the weight of the garbage to slip off us. We then start to see lust (and our aveiros) as something that doesn't define us any more. We actually grow from it.

And that is the experience of most recovering people I have met.

So take it easy, trust a little, get the heck out of His way, and go one step at a time, chaver.

Dov Continues:

After re-reading my post, I just wanted to add:

The trick is to accept that this stuff can actually be done incrementally. It's weird, but true. Every addict I know has discovered that he can actually get a little bit better today - even though that seems like we are just being louder hypocrites! But we discover that we aren't hypocrites if we admit that we are just unable to be totally honest, change Employers and finally give our lives to Hashem, etc., etc....now.

Part of us screams that it's either all or nothing... and that is a lie. So be brave enough to seem hypocritical and take one measly step today with all of us.

Are you unable to join Dov's morning calls for whatever reason, or did you miss a recent call?

Click here to access a list of all recordings.

Someone wrote:

IMHO I found the movie to be waste of time. My husband predicted each part, and said they all typically end like that. No tips on marriage, just some fairy tale story.

GYE Responds:

First of all, it seems like your husband watches too many movies :-)

I think there are some very powerful messages in the movie that a lot of husbands need to hear:

• The idea that marriage is a covenant, not a contract ("in both good and bad"), i.e. learning to truly be there for someone else selflessly .
• The idea that taking the "actions" of kindness and love actually CREATES a real and deep love.
• The idea that you can be a hero for the whole world, but if you aren't a hero to your wife - then it's really all about yourself at the end of the day.
• The idea that if a person "defaults" to the trash on the internet when he's alone, it shows who he really is, and that he is no "hero".
• The idea of how addictions are parasitic; they drain the life out of us and take us away from our goals and from real love and what we want from life.

These are NOT messages you find in every movie today at all.

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What did YOU think of the movie? Send your feedback to gye.help@gmail.com and we may share it here.

'And it was in the ninth year of his reign, in the tenth month, in the tenth (day) of the month, that Nebuchadnetzar, King of Babylon came, he and all his hosts, upon Yerushalayim, and he encamped upon it and built forts around it. And the city came under siege till the eleventh year of King Tzidkiyahu. On the ninth of the month famine was intense in the city, the people had no bread, and the city was breached.' (Second Melachim 25).

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.