Question from a woman:

I once heard that shmiras einayim isn't as serious for women as is for men. Sometimes I'll stop myself from looking at something for my future children. But I'm not as makbid with not looking at certain sites or certain types of movies as I was before I heard that from that person. What's your opinion?

Answer:

The reason why shmiras einayim isn't as serious for women as is for men is not because it is any less important but simply because women are less triggered by what they see than men are. That's just the way Hashem made us (generally). But if a woman knows that her Yetzer Hara will be triggered by looking at certain things (or sites or movies), it is just as stringent as for men. Women also have the mitzva of "קדושים תהיו" and "ולא יראו בך ערוות דבר ושב מאחרך" just like men.

Guys - here's why I appreciate the forum and YOU!

Learn how to bear the mental pain of saying "No" to yourself. Naturally, we go to what feels good and we stay away from pain. We got that from cows. Animals don't understand that a painful experience can be beneficial. Try and explain surgery to a cow. All the cow understands is "Food", I go. "Pain", I go away.

But we humans were endowed with wisdom! Tell yourself, the pain I feel when saying "no" is GOOD for me. The pain I feel is HEALING me, and it is also fixing all that I have damaged in the past.

Here's something an x-addict wrote about pain on an Arutz Sheva Forum:

Many find themselves in destructive behavior when they feel pain and don't see a way out. When I felt pain, I wanted a way to avoid it ... which only took me further from reality.
It's OK to sit with pain ... it's better than the mind-numbing behaviors that remove us from the world.
Thank G-d that we FEEL AGAIN! ... even if it's pain.
Be assured that you are making progress.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.