Fight for recovery!
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1452  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Image of the Day: ... Go for complete recovery!
Series: The Fight
Testimonials: Victory of recovery
Prevention: 25 Steps to Beating Porn Addiction
 
 
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Image of the Day
 

Get out of your own way and...

... Go for complete recovery!
 
... Go for complete recovery!
Series
 
The Fight
 
Part 1/2
 
By the.guard

These 19 short videos clips are excerpts from a series on theshmuz.com by Rabbi Shafier. Gathering from the wisdom of chazal, this 13 part series presents a solid understanding of the mechanics of desire, and offers us a strategy and plan to winning The Fight of our Generation. Click the image to download the full series.

thefight3

Dealing With Failure
Fight #1

Click here for video #1

Every once in a while you feel like a failure. Maybe you failed a particular test; you blew it, or in general you're at a stage in life where you realize that I'm not quite who I could be, who I should be, who I would be. One of the great life lessons is how to deal with that.

I'd like to share with you an interesting observation. David Hamelech (King David), when he was king of Israel, said to Hashem bechanani (test me). And Hashem said I will test you, but it's going to be an incredibly difficult test. The test in fact was in the area of arayos (illicit relations). The Navi (Prophets) tells us that David told his guard bring me eishes (the wife of) Uri Hachiti, bring me that woman. The guard said wait, she's a married woman. And David Hamelech lived with an eishes ish (married woman), with Batsheva.

Now, to understand what happened you have to listen to Shmuz #43, Soton Out of the Box, to understand that this was not a normal test. Hashem made a supernatural situation where David was pulled, almost like by electromagnet. But at the end of the day, David failed. But he didn't just fail — he failed his biggest life test. And he was embarrassed to the extent that's hard to imagine. If you read the words of tachanun (supplication prayer), we say them daily, yagati be'anchasi (I am weary from my sighing), Hashem I filled my bed with tears and my trembling was so great. David said about himself that his skin was white, there was no blood. He was so mortally embarrassed; he couldn't stand that sense of bushah (embarrassment). As a melech b'Yisrael (king in Israel), the entire Jewish Nation knew that he failed, that he lived with a married woman.

So here's the question: What bridge did David jump off of? Right, obviously he killed himself — at that point it's done, we're finished, no more. The answer is that he didn't jump off of any bridge. As a matter of fact, if you count the seven greatest human beings who ever lived, it's Avraham, Yitzchak, Yaakov, Moshe, Aharon and David. Of the seven greatest human beings who ever walked the face of the planet, one of them is David. And do you know why? Because David Hamelech recognized that he failed. David Hamelech recognized that he blew it. And normally what happens to a person is in that state there's a voice inside them that says it's over, we're done with. David Meshicho (who Hashem has anointed) — forget it, that's no more, you're dirt, you're slime, you're worthless.

But that's not what David Hamelech did. David Hamelech had this incredible ability to look in the mirror, stare at the eyes looking back at him and say the words I failed, but that doesn't mean that I'm a failure. I messed up, I blew it, I failed this test, but that doesn't make me a failure. I blew it, I have to do teshuvah, I have to improve, I have to work on this situation, but I as a human being still have great worth, still have great abilities. There are many things that I do well, many talents. Yes, I failed this test, but that doesn't make me a failure.

That dichotomy, to be able to hold both thoughts clearly in mind, is very rare. Either a person says the sin is nothing and it's okay and it doesn't matter, or they say I'm nothing and I don't matter. But that ability to say yes, I confront the reality that I messed up, I failed, but that doesn't make me a failure is what allowed David Hamelech to become the great human being that he became.

That is one of the great life lessons, to be man enough to say I messed up, I blew it — I'm going to correct it, I'm going to do whatever I can to improve in that area and in general — but still being aware of the fact that I have importance and significance; the fact that I failed doesn't make me a failure.

To be continued...
Testimonials
 
 
Victory of recovery
 
Prevention
 
 
25 Steps to Beating Porn Addiction
 

Please check out the full guide to beating porn addiction in this and upcoming issues (For the first in the series, please refer to issue #1436). The creators of the infographic have taken each of the 25 strategies and provided clear practical actions to take in detail:

WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS: ALMOST THERE!

    porn cold turkey
    Giving up porn isn’t going to be straightforward. Many men report withdrawal symptoms and that may tempt you to restart your addiction.

    Don’t. They won’t last and many men have got through them. If they can, so can you.

    Withdrawal symptoms may also be a sign that you aren’t filling your time with alternative activities. Giving up porn isn’t just about stopping viewing online pornography. If you’re to be successful, you need to take a whole life approach and work out and fill in what’s missing in your life.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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