'Tis the Moment to Surrender
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1403  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day: Whose time are you on?
Testimonials: GYE to SA
Practical Tips: Live only in the moment
Daily Dose of Dov: The Beautiful Woman I Just Saw
90 Day Journey
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Still Clean Had a fall
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Image of the Day
Whose time are you on?
Whose time are you on?
By Dov

Two members recently signed up as sponsors for our partner/sponsor program and wrote as follows:


Before I began recovery I had built up about 25 years or so of addictive behaviors and attitudes neatly intertwined with depression, resentment, and bitterness. Today I am an active participant in GYE and SA, trying to live life on God's terms rather than my own. I believe that I have experience, strength and hope to share with others that might be seeking happy and joyous freedom in their lives.


I am a yeshiva guy who used to struggle with internet porn. I spent hundreds of hours staying up late, living a double life, feeding my addiction and then doing teshuva, thinking I was the biggest sinner, swearing off, and then falling right back in. I came to GYE, and, with the help of my sponsor, eventually made my way to SA. I've been sober for 14 months and counting, and I think I have what to share in helping others get out of this. There is a way out, folks, and it's so much better than where I used to be.

We sent this to Dov, who is clean in SA for 18+ years and is the main GYE moderator on our forums. We wrote that it's interesting how GYE seems to work as a bridge for many people to go to SA groups.

Dov responded as follows:

Yes, it's beautiful. I have had the zechus through GYE of individually helping about 30 people a year successfully move into good SA recovery via the Desperados call, posting, and chatting on GYE in my spare time. By the very same token, I have helped many GYE people keep and open mind and steer clear of SA and 12 steps when it was not right for them, b"H, and occasionally get to counselors and shrinks who can help them navigate and make the hard choices.

It's incredibly rewarding work. Thank G-d for GYE! And thank G-d that there are qualified counselors and shrinks who can help 12 step and non-12 step guys get the help they really need.

Most GYE people I meet are so terribly alone, as I was in those 20 years before recovery. You have started a real chessed society that the Chofetz Chaim would probably have been been proud of. He stepped in the breach, and his was bris haloshon while GYE is helping many with bris ham'or.

Practical Tips
Live only in the moment

Habib613 posted on the forum:

I'm starting to feel the yetzer hara following me around, telling me how disgusting and fake I am. I am trying not to let it get to me. I am fighting.

GYE Replies:

Never let the Yetzer hara tell you that you are fake. Chaza"l say that Moshe Rabbeinu was wondering in what merit the Yidden could leave Mitzrayim, since he had seen that they were steeped in the 49th level of impurity

Read article
Daily Dose of Dov
The Beautiful Woman I Just Saw
Dov discusses how he reacts when seeing someone who triggers an overwhelming desire:
By Dov

I take a breath and say, "G-d. Whatever it is that I am really looking for in that woman, please let me find it in You instead (soon?)." And trust Him.

Sometimes I'd daven for the woman's needs and future (after turning away), and awaken that goodness in me that really wants the best for everyone I know - even for those folks that I may want desperately to use. Then, when the same lust would occasionally return 2 minutes later, I'd daven for them (and all their needs, futures, children, health and satisfaction out of life, and to be saved from all the bitter suffering that many people have, etc) all over again. At times, I have done this 4 or 5 times, when needed. An SA old-timer named Jesse (nicknamed the "Bozemann Hammer") used to say, "I can pray longer than I can lust", or something like that...

Sometimes it was enough for me to say, "well, that's not my chelek. It's just not my chelek in this life at all..." And knew that acceptance of that fact was just a pain I'd always have to bear, for there will always be a gorgeous woman out there who I'll come in contact with. There is no shortage of beauty in Hashem's world... so what better time to accept my limitations than right now? It hurts, period.

Sometimes I'd fail at all these or forget them all. Then I gotta make a phone call and admit it to an SA guy, who will hopefully commiserate and just say "thanks for sharing". (It seems to be useless and counterproductive to be reminded, "well, you'd better not do anything with her, it's evil" or whatever. My body revolts from finger-shaking.)

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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