The Small Matter of Self-Sacrifice
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1377  
In Today's Issue
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Announcements: Rabbi Avrohom Feuer on Duvid Chaim's Call
Chizuk: Hilchos Yichud
Torah: Rule that you should know
Sayings: The price for serenity and sanity is self-sacrifice.
Daily Dose of Dov: Torah Tavlin For Addicts?
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Rabbi Avrohom Feuer on Duvid Chaim's Call

Rabbi Avrohom Feuer

will be joining us on

Duvid Chaim's 12-Step phone conference

12 PM EST - Wednesday December 2nd, 2015.

The theme of the call:

Yosef HaTzadik

Triumph over Temptation

How did this abandoned teenager pull it off?

Special - “Ask the Rabbi” Q&A

after R. Feuer’s Drasha

Rabbi Avrohom Feuer

World Renown Speaker and Author

Talmid/Son-in-law R. Mordechai Gifter

Please Join us by calling:

From U.S: 641-715-3836

From Israel: 076 599 0060

From U.K: 0330 606 0520

Participant Access Code: 637207#


Here is the link to the conference call page:

Hilchos Yichud
Part 2/3
By Krakowski, Rabbi Y. Dov

3. It is forbidden for one to allow one’s child to be in seclusion with a goy.a. As the reason for this rabbinic enactment is a matter of dispute amongst the Rishonim, it is forbidden to seclude a Jewish child with both male and female Goyim alike. Likewise it is prohibited to seclude a Jewish child (and/or multiple Jewish children) with multiple Goyim. i. All the aforementioned (3, 3a) applies to all scenarios i.e. tutors, doctors etc. One should consult competent Halachic authority whenever a particular Shaila arises.

Read more
Rule that you should know

Tikunot and Hadrachot, Ch. 31

This is a rule that you should know, my son, the Holy One Blessed Be He does not test a person beyond his powers and his ability to withstand the trial, because the Holy One Blessed Be He does not needlessly cause his creations to suffer. On the contrary, the Holy One Blessed Be He only tests a man to his benefit, to elevate him, and to bring him praise, and to rectify his soul. For a person is brought into this world precisely to undergo trials. Holiness is not awarded to a person from Heaven as a gift without the withstanding of trials. And when a person knows and believes that Holy One Blessed Be He is with him during all of his trials, then this faith strengthens his mental and physical powers, and all evil forces are scattered before him.

The price for serenity and sanity is self-sacrifice.
Daily Dose of Dov
Torah Tavlin For Addicts?
Part 2/3
By Dov

"Dov" Responds:

With Hashem's help, I do know what to say. I hope...

Chazal tell us that "derech eretz kodmo laTorah". Though this statement means many things at a historical perspective (referring to the years before matan Torah) as well as at a personal level (middos of a person), as is explained in s'forim, it has special meaning for me, an addict.

On a simple and personal level, it draws a true and useful separation between serving Hashem by knowing His Will (Torah), and being a healthy human being - also presumably His Will. "Choviv odom sh'nivre'u b'Tzelem" is for the human being as he was intended to be, not just for the Jew. That is called "M'daber". A Jew is a highermadreigo than M'daber and is who the Tanna is talking about in the next piece when he tells us "chavivin Yisrael sh'nikre'u bonim laMokom!"

Let me back up a bit. Many have been shocked about and damaged by the horrible behavior of some frum yidden. If Torah is matzil umeigin and machzir lemutav, then why doesn't their learning/teaching Torah and davening to Hashem keep them kosher? The answer of "well, there are always bad apples" was always fine for me - until I saw my own horrible behavior in addiction. Soon that answer just didn't 'cut it' any more... I was vexed: "why isn't it working?"

The s'forim (Nefesh Hachayim and others) tell us that before learning Torah we need to remember yir'as Shomayim, Ahavas Yisroel, the mitzvoh of Talmud Torah, and that we intend to bring what we learn into action, and to do t'shuva for our aveiros as best we can.

Many have answered the embarrassing and upsetting problem by figuring that in one way or another, those people just didn't have these hakdomos to their learning. In other words, that they did not have Fear of Heaven and love for their fellow Jew, did not intend to actually do what they were learning, and carried their aveiros with them into the beis hamidrash. Nu. Sounds possible... but it is a tall order, no? How many people do all that before learning? So why aren't we all so screwed up? ...maybe we are? But I digress.

It seems to me that the issue of "what's missing?" is much more basic and is underscored most clearly by the frum addict!

It seems to me that the hakdomos to learning Torah for any yid have a common denominator: reality check. Hashem is the Master, so we ought to (OK, "must") do His Will. We (all) have strayed from His Will and we need to admit that fact to ourselves.

Who are we individuals? We are each another piece of this corporation called K'nesses Yisroel, whether we like it or not (see ch. 32 of Tanya if you are so inclined), so all we do is in that context. Fear of Heaven should be a milsa zutresa: for crying out loud, HE'S RIGHT HERE!! One would think it is just natural for a yid to be aware of that, and more acutely so when preparing to face His Will (learning Torah).

How can we not at least try to do a little t'shuvah and then say "we want to keep this stuff, so here we go!" before learning?

OK so far?

What does it say about us that/if we don't?

Something is missing in our accurate perception of reality.

It's a bit like psychosis on a very small scale. For Jews, this is a lack in our basic soundness of mind. In other words: Our sanity.

For whatever it's worth, I think that on a personal level, Derech Eretz is basically sanity, or "soundness of mind". What the RMB"M might refer to as basic "cholo'ei hanefesh", and deals with in his Shmoneh P'rakim.

An addict is basically nuts. How can we risk so much, ignore so much, live so duplicitously, cause so much pain - and tolerate so much pain - for so long? And we act as though everything is just "peachy" in shul, at home, in the b's-medrish, etc. our priorities and thinking obviously need some major adjustments, to say the least.

We need some manner of recovery.

And the second step aptly reads: "... to restore us to Sanity." For that, in my opinion, is our real problem.

Our problem is not in our "Torah" per-se, but rather in how we approach our "Torah". Our problem is the Derech Eretz - the sanity - that sets the table for Torah to actually work in us.

So consider quitting banging your head against the Torah and look into yourself for the answer, instead. The most basic problem with myself and the addicts who I know best isn't a specifically Jewish nor a Torah problem, at all. We are a bit cracked. And the Torah doesn't even begin, for a shoteh.

We need His help, and we need it now.

I hope this made sense to someone...

To be continued...
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If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

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