Schar, anyone?

GYE Corp. Sunday, 26 February 2012

Someone wrote on the forum:

I am sure that after 120 years, all of us posting on this website will be dancing in the middle of klal yisrael's circle with all the tzadikim, because if we can overcome our Niyonos, we certainly deserve to be dancing with the likes of Moshe Rabbeinu and the Avos!

Dov Replies:

Amen V'chein Y'hi Ratzon! with one caveat for me:

I completely relinquish any s'char I may deserve - and may ever deserve - for what you call "overcoming my nisayon". I want no part of it.

And this is why:

When I'm sane, I calmly say, "Tatte, help me" whenever I notice a problematic image coming out of the corner of my eye, or a troubling memory growing out of a corner of my mind. I give the job of freeing me of the powerful desire to look more or to think about it more, to Hashem Yisborach alone. "Struggling with it" reminds me too much of how I got here in the first place! Not healthy....

Besides, every now and then, the desire will surely be much too powerful for me to resist. To admit that requires humility - which is also a gift from Him, I believe. But I'm in good company, as David Hamelech said, "va'ani l'tzelah nachon".

I remember that giving it up can sometimes really feel like a punch in the stomach; intolerable; as though I am really losing something that I desperately need for my own good!! I am not smart enough to rely on my wisdom then. After all, it was my wisdom that got me here in the first place...

So I give the credit to Him and do not assume that I am smarter or better now. That's what I always used to think... foolish fellow that I can be ;-)

What s'char do I deserve for running from lust like the fire that it is for me (or maybe just closing my eyes for a second) and quietly, humbly asking Hashem to take a second out of His busy schedule to help His little Doveleh out, so that I can move on to His work?

I am aware that this attitude may not work for everybody, but for me, it's the best so far.

S'char anyone?


Note from webmaster: Dov's approach is for those who work the 12-Steps; not for everyone. In step 1, we admit powerlessness, and in steps 2 and 3 we learn how to get out of the driver's seat (so to speak) and give over the addiction to Hashem to deal with. For a real 12-Stepper like Dov, these are not just "words". These guys really live with this awareness. They learn how to fully and completely surrender the struggle to Hashem, and therefore they truly feel that they have no claim to schar for "over-coming" their addiction, anymore than they have schar for breathing!

(But hey - we all know the truth... Dov will be dancing in the middle with the Tzadikim one day, that's for sure! :-)