Here is a summary of the call - by "Moti" from Duvid Chaim's group discussing the 4th step. There's a lot we can all learn from this summary, even if we are not part of this unique phone group. (To join the group, see this info).
Opening Of The Call
� The power of the fellowship of program was discussed; 2 participants had gotten tremendous value from a private call they had yesterday.
� Until now, the focus was Steps 1, 2, 3 the A-B-D s" of the Program - A dmit - B elieve - D ecide. We now moved on to Step 4 (Chapter 5 of the "Big Book") which begins the hard practical work part of the program; taking on the underlying causes of the addiction. A parable is used of a "red onion", where the lust is merely the outer layer of the onion. From step 4 and on we learn to address the underlying layers that fuel the lust, which are mainly R.I.D (R estlessness, I rritability and D iscontent).
Step 4 - What Is It
� Personal Housecleaning - "To make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves".
� A parable was given of doing a business inventory. It is common sense in business to take inventory, and if we have bad goods on the shelf then we remove them. In same vein, we need to search for own flaws (inner layers of the onion). Honesty is the key.
� The main source of our flaws is resentment.
Resentment - What Is It
� Duvid Chaim explained this very clearly and succinctly. Resentment comes when we are not treated as we expect to be treated.
� Our level of resentment is in direct correlation to our level of expectation from the other person. This is why our resentment is greatest with those who we are closest to, and who we love (wife, children etc.). You do not resent strangers because you have low expectations of them.
� Resentment is a major cause of spiritual disconnection. When we try to be in control and play Hashem (trying to be the controller in the control tower) and others don't do what we expect of them, then we experience resentment. Like we've discussed before in the group: "We need to fire ourselves from being our own bosses and make HaShem our boss".
� Duvid Chaim distributed a "Review Of Resentments" worksheet for us to fill out, in which we itemize who we are resentful at, the cause, and its affect on us.
� When doing this moral inventory, the key is to stop using logic (which is the highly developed mode of thinking in the Yeshiva world) and instead get in touch with our feelings. Dealing with these feelings properly helps to evaporate the lust.