Pain is necessary for success

obormottel Thursday, 13 October 2016

A reality that I have shared before in many ways:

Forum talk is cheap. That's why it will not work. For some it is y'kar erech - they simply cannot type it out at when they do, it is meaningful and hence brings with it a new level of recovery for them.

But for those who are used to it, it is still hiding behind something: a username (fake). So it no longer works. For them, phone conversations using their real voice is the only way they can really get the truth out in any meaningful way now.

But for those that have been doing that already regularly, hiding behind something else makes it fake for them: the telephone - no face, no real me. They often need to move on to face-to-face meetings. No big deal, really, if it is with another recovering person who admits he is as sick as they are inside. The emails and phone just do not work any more, cuz their honesty and realness have increased. It is a natural process.

And for those who have been doing face-to-face meetings for some time already, the fakeness of hiding behind a fake persona - we all do that to some degree, some more, some less...well, for them, the face-to-face is no longer enough - it too is just too fake. So where to go from there? The answer is simple:

More honesty about our selves is needed. More masks need to be taken off. Painful things about them must eventually be shared - there is no recourse, if they want to remain in recovery. It's just a natural process. Apparently, no change whatsoever happens in us without pain. It's gotta be hard to do, or it's cheap. And easy come, easy go. We are all here for changes that last, for a change.


I am not pushing you to do anything, at all. All I wanted to say is that in my case (and for many I have heard over the years share in the rooms), pain is needed for success.

But I have never met anyone who got better directly by being forced to admit the truth about themselves to others. I believe that it is the openness that heals, not just saying the truth. Willingly telling is opening up to another - that's where the healing happens, rather than just in sharing the information. This is a very sensitive process, as you point out.

The guys I know who were arrested or caught by others and forced into the room with their other Captain Kirk, never got better from that. They always blamed all their shame on the person who caught them, rather than on their sick or self-destructive behavior. With the passage of time, though, eventually they came around, though. Most have said "thank G-d they caught me, cuz if not, I'd still be out there and miserable," but that's a really hard way to go.