Honoring the "Me" of the Future.
I joined Duvid Chaim's 12-Step Phone group (which is starting a new cycle in February, IY"H) because he GUARANTEED me freedom from lust (remember - not "CONTROL of the addiction", but FREEDOM) if I run the course & do it right. I trusted him, especially because he knew me so well in himself, and he had done it, and he told me that others had too. FROM THAT DAY FORWARD, even BEFORE I started on the call, I did NOT act out anymore, no "falls" physically anymore, and no watching P**n.
And I also went through the ups and downs of depression/withdrawal, but I withheld myself from falling. HOW DID I DO THAT?
Because I GAVE HONOR to the ME of the future. I now felt that there was a way out, and I could project myself there, even though I didn't know how to get there yet. It's sort of living on maintenance even though I didn't start the diet yet. Once the calls started, it became more solidified, but I began by living on a level of cleanliness I hadn't "earned" yet.
I am nobody special. If I could do it, believe me, ANYBODY can.
YOU MUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, that you can - and will - beat this thing and get to the next mountain. If you can feel that as a reality for yourself; that it can really be you; then even NOW you can HONOR your future self. PICTURE in your mind what life will be like then, to be pure and proud of your purity, to be close with Hashem, to have friends and not be alone anymore. Focus on the goal. THE GOAL!
How does a child learn to walk? They see others doing it, they want it for themselves, they imagine they CAN do it, and they get up and try. In their head, they are already walking - there is no 'I can't do this'. THAT'S what I mean by HONORING the future before you get there!! Do they FALL? OF COURSE THEY FALL! But do they whine about it? NO!!! They get right up and take a few more steps, and actually get a little farther till the next fall. Do they get depressed? NO!!! They are laughing and screeching, CUZ ALL THEY SEE IS THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS!!
We need to stop looking at the falls. FORGET THE FALLS, don't concentrate on the "current clean days". LOOK AT YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS!! ADD ALL YOUR CLEANS DAYS TOGETHER. SEE HOW FAR YOU'VE COME.
And know that where you are going is close, VERY close. Just BELIEVE in yourself.
Plan, if you can, to get into, and stay the course through a 12-step program. I personally believe it is the BEST WAY to success. Especially Duvid Chaim's Call, cuz he's like a shepherd leading us to deveikus Hashem. Make that commitment, and you could do what I did.
And remember, you are fighting this battle for Hashem. So if you ask for His help, He will be there for you. Sometimes as a loud cannon blast, sometimes as a whisper or a barely noticed butterfly, but He will always be there - if you look for Him.
Kavei El Hashem. Chazak V'Yameitz Leebecha, V'Kavei El Hashem!