GUE, you strike a tough bargain :-)
It is my policy, however, not to make promises that I am not 100% sure I can commit to.
I will strongly consider, however, going to one of boruch's group if I fall again - an eventuality that I hope and pray does not come to fruition.
GUE, I again thank you again and again for your support/encouragement/chizuk ....
I am sorry to disappoint everyone, but I slipped this past Sunday at day 53.
The bottom line is this. I was hoping that I could do this on my own, but in light of this last slip I acknowledge that going it solo might not be realistic. At the behest of GUE and my accountability partner boruch, I have decided to attend SA meetings.
It is only as a result of these boards as well as boruch's decision to attend meetings himself that I would even consider going.
As GUE is fond of quoting Rabbi Twerski ... this is a spiritual cancer and when someone r"l has cancer, what would they not do to get better?
I am ready to do what it takes bezras Hashem ...
True to his word, Shomer joined the groups.
Meanwhile, on the forum there has again been some debate as to whether the groups are indeed necessary for Frum Yidden who can't break free. After all, we do have some valiant warriors like "Battleworn" and "Yaakov" on the forum who are succeeding to maintain their sobriety without the 12-Steps.
Also, there has been some discussion on the forum about the fear that the groups are sometimes mixed and could be triggering to addicts.
I have been catching up on the chizuk e-mail's and reading through the 12 step thread and although I am certainly no authority, I would like to offer an opinion based on the 2 weeks that I have been with the SA groups.
1) Regarding women in meetings. I have been to 3 locations (2 non-Jewish) and have not seen a female yet. SA is a more traditional and conservative group and I believe the chances of encountering a women there are relatively small.
2) Based on my short experience, the groups themselves are VERY VERY powerful. I think that yaakov and battleworn have been so successful using their own methods because they have managed to stay pro-active regarding their addictions. I myself am probably not as disciplined as either of these courageous warriors and tend to "forget" about my addiction as time goes on. What inevitably happens is that I end up getting sucked right back in. For me, I have come to realize that there is truly no other option.
Walking into that room day after day and listening to people that were sunk much deeper into the addiction than I was (prostitutes/affairs/same-sex) and have managed to stay sober for years is truly inspiring.
I truly admire and am envious of hero's like battleworn and yaakov and wish that I had their courage and ability to connect with our holy Torah to the degree that it supersedes our addictive tendencies. The reality, as has been demonstrated over and over again through the painful process of continual relapse, is that I cannot do it on my own.I am grateful for the SA program beyond what words can describe. It may not be perfect, but it works.
Hatzlacha to all!