The Library

In this 2 minute video clip, the well known addiction therapist, Dr. Lew Abrams, LCSW, gives a simple definition of addiction. Dov gives feedback: I feel this clip is precious, clear, and honest. I have spoken with Lew a few times and everytime I do I am impressed with...

Click here to listen to the Desperadoes Song To join Dov's 12-Step Desperadoes group twice a week, click here for more info. Lyrics: There's a moment in this journey that I gave up My boots just couldn't walk another mile And that cloud above me had no silver lining I ...

Someone wrote: The 12-Steps speak about how we are powerless. This seems to me to be ANT-TORAH!! It may SEEM like we're powerless, and it may be EXTREMELY difficult (like it is for me) but powerless?? The very first mussar shmooze in the Torah was given by the MASTER HI...

For many years, I tried to beat lust. If only I could figure it out, wrap my head around it, I would be able to control it. Many times, especially after falls or lots of pain, I was sure that I had finally internalized that it was SHEKER, that there was nothing there. I w...

Dear Desperate Yid, here are some ideas I'd like to share with you:1- This 'powerlessness' idea is actually all about taking personal responsibility for one's actions - if the person is an addict. It simply means that we finally recognize that all the good (or not so good...

One of the greatest successes of the 12-Step program is in teaching addicts how to surrender instead of fighting against desires that they feel ‘powerless’ over. But the question often comes up, what does surrender really mean and how is it really different than ‘fighting...

"Powerless" has nothing whatsoever to do with 'ilmolei ozro, eino yachol lo' and is not the flipside of 'hakol bidei Shomayim chutz miyir'as Shomayim', at all. Whether I am in control or not is a simple fact: if I cannot stop having sex with myself (most folks call that ...

GYE Responds: Thank you for this nice share. Yes, what Dov always shares seems to be the only way to beat the yetzer hara at the end of the day. I was thinking recently, we find by the story of the Meraglim, that they clearly saw that אל פי טבע (naturally) there was no...

Question: You say that only Hashem can give us ultimate victory over lust. Then, where does human willpower and bechira come into play? Here are a few good resources that can help us understand this sticky topic: 1) This PDF booklet discusses the issue in depth. 2...

Everyone needs some sort of help to make it in life - even our tzaddikim and gedolim admit that they do. But... I keep hearing people asking in one way or another, "So how can I finally convince myself that I am really powerless/that I am an addict?" Gevalt. I do ...

In the sugya of Matan Torah in Mesichta Shabbos there are (amongst many others) two mamorei Chazal: 1. The Yidden said Naaseh V'Nishman 2. כפה עליהם הר כגגית- the Eibishter held the mountain above the Yidden thereby forcing them to accept the Torah. The question arises if...

I want to thank Hashem for extending His Hand and showing me the GYE website. I am addicted to Lust. I am totally powerless, and it is only by the grace of G-d that I can begin to change my life. I’m 36 years old and have been struggling with this problem for two dec...

You said yesterday that you can't accept the fact that you are (or you are labeled) a lustaholic - an addict to lust. I can identify with your fear of this stigma, I understand you so well. I (and many more on GYE) have been in the same boat and are still there. I will n...

There is the story of the man who fell off a cliff in the dark and on the way down grasped a branch and hung on for dear life. Weakening, he finally cried out to heaven, "Please help me!" and the answer came, "Let go!" "But if I let go I'll die," the man replied. "Let g...

Step One of the SA program is: "We admitted we were powerless over lust, that our lives have become unmanageable". So what does powerless actually mean? When I first got into the program, I was taught by a fellow member that what we mean by powerless is that I can't use...

We write down the details of our acting out history on paper (keeping it safe from other eyes, of course). Start with the first discovery of schmutz pleasure or sex in general, and what happened afterward, our next acting out habit behavior, the next ones, and how we went...

The core of the famous "12-Step" program and the secret to its great success, are the first 3 steps: 1. We admitted we were powerless over lust, and that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanit...

There was a discussion on the forum recently about using Mussar and "Sifrei Yirah" to break free of this addiction. Although this may work for people who are not deeply addicted, it rarely works in more serious cases. "Dov", who has 18 years of sobriety through SA, wrote ...