When we make amends we need to be clear about what we're apologizing for and the best way to say we're sorry. What we are really doing with our amends is taking responsibility for our behavior. We need to be sure that the process itself will not be self-defeating or hurtful.

Sometimes, we need to directly apologize for a particular thing we have done or our part in a problem. Other times, instead of saying I'm sorry, what we need to do is work on changing our behavior with a person.

There are times when bringing up what we have done and apologizing for it will make matters worse.

We need to trust timing, intuition, and guidance in this process of making amends. Once we become willing, we can let go and tackle our amends in a peaceful, consistent, harmonious way. If nothing feels right or appropriate, if it feels as if what we are about to do will cause a crisis or havoc, we need to trust that feeling.

We deserve to be at peace with ourselves and others.

Today, I will be open to making any amends I need to make with people. I will wait for Divine Guidance in the process of making any amends that are not clear to me. God, help me let go of my fear about facing people and taking responsibility for my behaviors. Help me know I am not diminishing my self-esteem by doing this; I am improving it.

I noticed a very interesting thing in one of the Yom Kipppur Piyutim we say tonight.

"We are like raw material in the hands of the creator... When he wants, he makes the vessel big, and when he wants, he makes it shorter (than normal)".

I heard a special thought about Teshuva that I feel is exemplified by all of you on the GuardYourEyes forum. On Yom Kippur, we read the story of Ninveh. Yona tells Ninveh that Hashem has decreed that Ninveh be overturned. The potential meaning of this was twofold. Either Ninveh repents and overturns their previous actions by doing Teshuva, or Hashem would have to literally overturn it. It was Ninveh's choice as to how this overturning would take place. Given the chance to interpret Hashem's word, Ninveh used their opportunity to overturn their ways.

Is there any greater Tshuva than that which is done by the GYE group daily? We speak of using our previously faulty faculties for positivity in Teshuva. And that's what everyone here is doing! Crying tears to counteract the times we have abused our eyesight. Feeling remorse with a broken heart to counteract our hearts leading us astray. Strengthening others who are struggling. Who has a better, more remarkable approach than these admirable warriors who replace their addiction to the illicit, with an addiction to words of beauty, an addiction to the chizuk of GYE and the closeness with Hashem that it ensures? Do you feel that connection? Sometimes it's so strong and overwhelming, enough to make us cry in love and hope - in appreciation for the power Hashem has granted us to rise above.

I was recently enlightened about an online study called the "Marshmallow Experiment" (with footage). In it, children are given a marshmallow and told that they can either eat it immediately or wait a few minutes, at which point they will receive a second one. It was fascinating, funny and interesting all at once, but mostly it's scary. The children each take their own approach to refrain from eating it immediately, and some succeed in fully waiting for the second. Some can't resist a nibble, and some swallow it right away in one bite. Scarier still, are how differently the lives of those who were able to wait turned out. These children, when interviewed at age 18, had drastically more positive lives of growth and emotional health in many areas.

We are those children. We need to refrain from that enticing nibble, knowing that the sacrifice is well worth it for the real connection that we build with Hashem, every time, as our reward. There is no greater feeling.

Motzei Yom Kippur, when the gates have closed at the end of Neila, the wonderful, free, feeling of closeness with our Creator, after days, weeks and months of our labor, makes it clear that there really just isn't any other option. There is nothing else but us and Him. And that is real Simcha.

Gmar Chasima Tova, and may we all be included in the level of Tzadik Yesod Olam.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.