I should write an email every day to thank GYE for what it does for me and for all of klal yisrael. But I am writing now because of a special occasion. I told my wife this week of my struggles with lust; both the falls and b'h the victories. I could have done better with the planning, but it happened almost impulsively. I spilled the beans to her. And the greatest, most tremendous thing to me is how she reacted. She did not go running out the door. She did not pout for 3 days straight. She was appreciative and loving and understanding and impressed that I admitted to the problem and took steps to help myself.

Without GYE, the site with it's information and advice, and the forum where the most precious, kind-hearted tzadikim walk the streets, and the special friends I have made through GYE, there would have been no way that I would ever have reached a state where I can tell my wife, let alone know what to say and what not to say. I feel so good and happy that this barrier has been lifted from my marriage and I can face my wife honestly and have her support and understanding to assist me in the struggle. I cannot thank GYE enough and I have a hard time thinking of an organization that has a bigger zechus than this holy work.

After the eigel hazahav (Golden Calf), everyone was downcast because they had lost favor in the eyes of Hashem. The general mood was repentance, remorse, and humility. Yet at that time Moshe Rabbeinu put in some of his greatest requests that he ever made of Hashem.

It's remarkable that these great entreaties of his were not made at a more auspicious time, when they were in favor with Hashem. He could have made them at the receiving of the Torah, when Hashem was so pleased with His people. At that time Moshe Rabbeinu should have put in a request.

But the Chovos Halevavos teaches us that sometimes a sin can help a man become better than a mitzvah. And he explains if somebody because of virtuous deeds,maasim tovim, begins to feel a certain pride, he becomes somewhat puffed up, then he loses status with Hashem because he is now being bereft of that grand quality of humility.

Humility is one of the most glorious attributes of mankind. But if, because of your righteous behavior, you are impelled to lose some of your humility, it doesn't pay. And therefore in some cases, he says, a good deed can do a man harm and a sin sometimes can do him great benefit.

If he feels so downcast because of his sin, he's so disheartened and he despises himself because of what he did, and he is contrite and he comes with humbleness before Hashem, that is an achievement that can outweigh by far any harm he did by his sin.

(Now don't go doing sins in the hope that you'll become humble. Try to become humble while you're becoming a big lamdan (scholar) or while you're making a lot of money. When you are riding on the wave of hatzlacha(success), that's the time you should be humble.) (Tape 579)

It feels like sometimes the effort to to avoid tumah, pritzus, etc.. itself seems to cause one to think about the very thing that they are trying to avoid. Am I wrong? Maybe just putting forth a little less effort will enable some people to have more success (perhaps just by getting busy doing something else). It's like the way one thinks of food on a fast day. Some people think about food more on a fast day than other days, even if the other days they might end up fasting accidentally. The very thought of it being a fast day can cause one to think of food. Am I making sense? So what is a good solution? Anyone have any ideas?

Tikunot and Hadrachot, Ch. 31

This is a rule that you should know, my son, the Holy One Blessed Be He does not test a person beyond his powers and his ability to withstand the trial, because the Holy One Blessed Be He does not needlessly cause his creations to suffer. On the contrary, the Holy One Blessed Be He only tests a man to his benefit, to elevate him, and to bring him praise, and to rectify his soul. For a person is brought into this world precisely to undergo trials. Holiness is not awarded to a person from Heaven as a gift without the withstanding of trials. And when a person knows and believes that Holy One Blessed Be He is with him during all of his trials, then this faith strengthens his mental and physical powers, and all evil forces are scattered before him.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.