The Allergy - cont'd
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1270  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day: Ivdu es Hashem b'Simcha!
Sayings: If you were G-d, you would not want to be a ritual, would you?
12 Step Attitude: The Allergy
Announcements: Nesivos Shalom Conference Call
Testimonials: The Best Headache
Personal Stories: The "Benoni"
Announcements: The Chosson Shmooze - Full Archives
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Image of the Day

Provided to GYE courtesy of Maydel, GYE member.

Ivdu es Hashem b'Simcha!
Ivdu es Hashem b'Simcha!
If you were G-d, you would not want to be a ritual, would you?
12 Step Attitude

Continued from issue #1269

The Allergy
Part 2/3
By Duvid Chaim

To reinforce what I am saying above about the importance of the 12-Steps, and also to address (2) your concern that installing a filter can't really help you now, I want to remind you what Rabbi Twerski wrote to you once (since you shared this with me):

Dear Ilan,

The campaign by some haredi leaders to eliminate the internet, even if desirable, is not realistic. While anyone with a bit of know-how can work around a filter, it can nevertheless be of help to a person who is sincere in escaping from this quicksand.

Chazal say, "Tzoras rabbim chatzi nechama." I don't know if it applies to this. Yours was the fourth contact of its kind this week. Internet addiction has become epidemic among the frum men AND women! If you have a fax machine, I can send you copies of letters just like yours.

You are right. Promises don't help and nedarim don't help. Psychiatry and psychology are not of much help. It is very much an addiction over which self-controls don't work.

For alcohol and drug addiction, there are support groups of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. For sexual addiction there is Sexaholics Anonymous.

A frum person will say, "No way I can expose my problem by going to a meeting." I understand. There is a very fine, very frum young man who is in recovery from this problem. He'll be glad to talk with you. He does not need to know your name. The most effective help can come from someone who has overcome this problem. I'll e-mail you his number. You can call him and you will remain anonymous.


So Ilan, we see from Rabbi Twerski's reply to you above, that although installing a filter can be of help in keeping it out of immediate reach, it is not meant to be an adequate solution on its own. We also see from his reply that "self-controls" don't work in cases of addiction, and your best bet is a 12-Step group.

So even if you are not ready to join an SA group in your area, join Duvid Chaim's daily group by phone! (See info at the bottom).

To be continued...
Nesivos Shalom Conference Call
The Best Headache
By Yosef C. (7 years sober in SA)

Even though this was the 'rockiest year' in 7 years, I still hope to be at 8 years sober in SA this summer be"H.

I downloaded the Internet filter. As a result, I go through a tircha when I need web access, even to download a shiur. I have to find the time to ask others to give me access on their computer...

BORUCH HASHEM! I rejoice in this 'headache', because it's ZERO DOUBT right now compared to the 'other headache' that I would be bringing on myself if I DID have web access readily available today :-)

Personal Stories
The "Benoni"
By Anonymous

I first discovered masturbation at about age 15, when a fellow yeshiva student showed me smut. Until then I had never even considered it at all, I had never even thought of women. This went on for years, and every Rosh Hashana I would swear that I would stop. When I got married, I was certain that I would find salvation, but I became even worse, convincing my wife that she could even help me masturbate (when she was ASSUR to me, or didn't want to be intimate) and that she was saving me from AVERAH by the fact that she was involved (so it was "love"). This came after a point when the Yetzer had already convinced me that there was no possibility of abstinence, and I was sure that it was an impossible test made up by some Rabbis, based on an obscure passage in the Torah.

Read more
The Chosson Shmooze - Full Archives

Congratulations and thank you to Rabbi Feuerman, LCSW-R for completing the cycle of the Friday shiurim

"The Chosson Shmooze You WISH You Had, but Never Got!"

Note: This live shiurim series is over.

The entire series of this sensitive but important series for married men is available for listening and downloading here.

A Zip file of the entire series can be downloaded here.

Disclaimer: This shiur series is meant for married men only.

To listen to the shiurim by phone:


PIN: 637207#

Reference numbers: 87-97, 102, 107, 112-115

Rabbi Feuerman's Parsha shiurim are available here.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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