How do I have The Talk with my date
  Breaking Free chizuk #1269  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day: Courage is in getting up.
Torah: It's not the job that counts, but WHO gave it.
12 Step Attitude: The Allergy
Q & A: Do I have to tell my date?
Link of the Day: Having "The Porn Conversation" With The Man You're Dating
Announcements: Free Hard Copy of GYE Handbook
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Image of the Day
Courage is in getting up.
Courage is in getting up.
It's not the job that counts, but WHO gave it.

The Rebbe Avrohom of Slonim zy"a, the Yesod Ha'avoda, in Toras Avos writes that the primary shortcoming of Korach was that he sought great levels in avodas Hashem, which is why he desired the kehuna gedola. A person should feel that the even the seemingly minor avoda is something for which he is not truly deserving or worthy.

Moshe said to Korach "Rav lachem", you are constantly seeking the highest levels, rav. "Hame'at mikem" is your current avoda paltry in your eyes?

"VeAharon ma hu", Aharon feels unworthy and undeserving of the avoda he does.


Elaboration on the above piece:

The above is a big Yesod in Avodas Hashem, and especially for those who deal with this struggle. It's not WHAT our job is that counts, it's our recognition of WHO GAVE US the job. If we recognize that the king himself gave us this task, then even the most menial job should make us rejoice.

I once saw a National Geographic documentary about Airforce 1 - the president's personal jumbo jet. And the man in charge of cleaning the president's bathroom told over with pride, "very few people realize that this is the hand that cleans the president's restroom, right here...".

We who struggle in these areas should rejoice that we have been chosen to CLEAN THE KING'S PERSONAL BATHROOM!

See this nice post from "Mechzek" for more elaboration on this idea, with regards to Aharon Hakohen cleaning the Menorah each day.

12 Step Attitude
The Allergy
Part 1/3
By Duvid Chaim

Sometimes I wonder, "how can an amazing guy do nonsense like this?" I was thinking yesterday that I cannot really beat this addiction. Even if I put a filter on this computer at the university, there are five computers next to this one. I thought last night, just like a smoker smokes, a p-rn addict looks at p-rn. That is just my problem, and I must live with it. BUT I CANNOT LIVE WITH IT, BECAUSE EVERY DAY I LOOK AT THIS STUFF IT DESTROYS MY DAY AND NIGHT, AND IF I DON'T STOP IT WILL DESTROY MY LIFE AND MY DREAMS, AND I WILL EVENTUALLY GET INTO BIG TROUBLE.

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Q & A
Do I have to tell my date?
Do I have to share my addiction with my date?
By GYE Corp.

I am dating seriously, and I know that this has been talked about on the forum and Dr. Twerski thinks you should share your addiction with your prospective marriage partner, but I am wondering, if I seem to be stable when I stay on top of myself, and I plan to do the 12 steps and take safe guards to prevent myself from falling, do I have to share this with my date?

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Link of the Day

In light of the above conversation with Rabbi Twerski, we bring you the following article, which we feel is beneficial to both men and women who are in the parsha of shidduchim/dating. Whether you broach this discussion yourself or your date brings it up, it is good to be prepared for a coherent and honest conversation.

Please note that the link will take you to a site outside of GYE network, While we had vetted this site and found it to not contain any objectionable imagery, viewer discretion is advised.

Having "The Porn Conversation" With The Man You're Dating
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Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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