It’s not TOO LATE…if you missed this amazing and revealing look inside the way a woman thinks – especially if they’ve encountered their husband’s addiction and betrayal!

Miriam was the Featured Guest Speaker on the Guard Your Eyes Conference Call on May 10, 2018.

Here’s the RECORDING of Miram’s insights based on her own experiences – personally and working with Woman who are married to Addicts.

Miriam on the GYE May 10, 2018 Conf Call

What are Our Wives Thinking?!

Miriam not only shared her wisdom;

but gave some amazing answers in the Q&A section of the Presentation.

If you or your wife would like to learn more

how to restore the confidence and trust

that has been eroded in your marriage because of Addiction…

then reach out to Miriam at miriamgye@gmail.com

or Duvid Chaim at duvidchaim@gmail.com

and Remember!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE…YOU CAN GET SUPPORT…

AND NEVER, NEVER, EVER LOSE HOPE!

Today, our Rebbe Reb Duvid Chaim, was discussing (on the phone conference) the Middos of Rachamim (Attributes of Mercy). The sixth attribute of the thirteen is "Erech Apayim", which refers to God's endless patience with us. It might be possible that Erech Apayim corresponds to the sixth of the Seven Middos through which God runs the world (Chesed, Gevurah, Tiferes etc), which is Yesod. Yesod refers to shmiras habris, moral purity, which is our addiction. This teaches us that Hashem's patience is especially applicable to those of us who are engaged in working on Midas Hayesod, the struggle to establish and solidify the foundations of our lives and our Yiddishkeit. He knows how difficult it is and has all the patience in the world (after all, He created patience!) as he waits for us to get it right by fully turning to Him and "letting go and letting God".

The Holy Sefer, Noam Elimelech from Rav Elimelech of Lizensk writes that Yaakov Avinu's attribute was that of Tiferes, meaning "Awesome Beauty". This implies that Yaakov Avinu had the ability to be awestruck by G-dly beauty in all he saw. For example, the Noam Elimelech continues, "When a person eats a tasty food, he should say to himself, "if this food is so good in taste, is it not obvious that all the good and pleasantness is to be found in the Creator--may his name be blessed--without any limit or boundary!"..."and this is the secret of the Pasuk "and Yaakov kissed Rachel".

How uplifting and beautiful it is to try to apply this midah of Yaakov Avinu to ourselves. Whenever we see something that turns our hearts to sexual desire, we need to tell ourselves, "If this woman is so beautiful and I desire her so much, how much more beautiful it must be to connect with G-d, who is the infinite source of all beauty, pleasantness and pleasure!"

SSA is a symptom of a disorder and not the disorder itself

In my understanding, SSA is a symptom reflecting an emotional disorder and not in itself a disorder. Since SSA is reflective of an emotional deficit, it is usually accompanied by other emotional difficulties. Poor self-esteem, lack of assertiveness, excessive concern for the approval of others etc. are often part of the larger picture. The particular same-sex others the person will be attracted to are usually those who have qualities he so desperately wants for himself (e.g., looks, assertiveness, confidence). The desire for physical closeness is often a magical wish to physically incorporate these admired qualities into one’s self.

In my clinical experience there is often a substantial difference in the very nature of the search for a partner among heterosexuals and homosexuals. Heterosexuals generally tend to look for other-gender partners who complement them. A heterosexual male could feel very adequate in all that he feels he is supposed to be, yet he needs to find a partner who, by design, possess qualities he isn’t supposed to have in order to complement his masculinity. My male patients with SSA, in contrast, tend to seek out other males who they feel are very accomplished in areas they have always felt themselves to be inadequate, in order to compensate for their own inadequacies. Since they are trying to compensate for what they believe is missing in themselves, (usually qualities they identify as masculine) they need to attach themselves to someone of the same gender. In addition, since they are driven by the negative and painful emotion of inadequacy, the interest they take in their object of interest often has an obsessive quality.

In evaluating the nature of a specific family’s dynamics it is important to keep in mind that people often present a less than accurate picture of their familial relationships, so that they may paint a much rosier picture of their relationship with their parents than is factually true. I cite abundant research evidence for this in my article “Chemical Imbalance or Problems in Living?”

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.