E-Mail Subject: Instant Cure?!
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1756  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Image of the Day: Change is Hard
Editor’s Note: No instant cure
Announcements: Join the New Conference Call.
Personal Stories: For You are our Father
Daily Dose of Dov: We can't have true relationships till we're sober
 
 
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Image of the Day
 
Change is Hard
 
Change is Hard
Editor’s Note
 
No instant cure

There is no instant cure for breaking porn addiction. Just a lot of hard work and a lot of tough choices that lead to one great reward.

Announcements
 
Join the New Conference Call.
 

8:30am with Cap'n Martin B BACK at the HELM with his trusted Lieutenants

12 Noon with Duvid Chaim and Co-Captains Yakkov New

Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays!

(all times are EST)

The Conference Call In Number is (641) 715-3836

Participant Access Code 637207#

For a whole bunch of useful details about the Conference Calls, please see this link:

https://guardyoureyes.com/component/zoo/item/big-book-study-group

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Personal Stories
 
For You are our Father
 
By GYE Member

Dear brothers and sisters, fellow fighters.

It's painful to be a fighter. I know firsthand. But it's also a part of ourselves which will ultimately give us so much inner strength, sensitivity to others, and hopefully real joy.

Today, after two weeks of abstinence from masturbation; two weeks at the height of triumph, with the feeling of holiness and happiness that comes with self-control, I told myself that I was a holy Neshama, a Yid - that I would not allow this to overtake me and destroy me, that I would not give into this no matter what. In Yiddish there's an expression said in regard to the concept of Mesirus Nefesh: אזוי און ניט אנדערש, roughly translated as "no way." Abstinence from Aveira is Mesirus Nefesh. It should not be taken lightly. Mesirus Nefesh means I put myself aside for Hashem, for truth and holiness. And that is exactly what we do, each and every time we abstain.

These two weeks I felt amazing. I felt like I was in control, that when I thought about my marriage I could breathe again, and think of myself as healthy and normal and on a journey to recovery.

That was until today. I crashed. I'm sure you all the know the actual heartwrenching pain that is involved in the moment - between the decision to give in or not to give in. I've had times where I almost cried not only after, but as, I gave in. In the moment you don't see logic so clearly and everything goes dark. I literally told myself out loud "No! I'm not doing it!" And then somehow a few minutes later, "I'm doing it, Hashem, I'm giving in." And then it was over and no matter how much my therapist prepared me for this moment, I still felt terrible. More than terrible, I felt a deep fear. The fear of being an 18-year-old person who knew that they would soon have to check themselves into a 12-step program.

Sometimes after I would fall, I wouldn't be able to daven. I would feel like such a hypocrite, such an unholy hypocrite. While I am wrong for thinking that, I'm right in the sense that sinning does numb our sensitivity to G-dliness. But this morning was different. I felt a deep closeness to Hashem like never before. I wasn't angry at Hashem and actually felt a sense of gratitude for Him having allowed me to win and to triumph, and to know that I could do it so many times. I had seen such a glimpse of truth and closeness these two weeks, one that could never be lost. But I was scared. Like a child crying out to a father I cried out "Tatty, I'm scared. Help me." And then the tears came.

"Shem Yisroel, Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad!" I imagined Moshe Rabbeinu screaming these words, imploring Bnei Yisroel, "Listen, dear Yidden, this is not what it's about! It's not about the lies and the garbage that the whole world feeds us on a daily basis. It's not about the Shmutz that we run to because the whole world runs to it, calling it 'normal and healthy.'" I thought about how many people are confused. I thought about having been Zoche to spend Purim in Yerushalayim. I cried as I asked Hashem for Moshiach "Why is it that you conceal yourself so? Do you know how much it hurts us? Why is it that there are so many people in your holiest city confused about what Purim is - who think that it's a time for getting drunk and losing their guard. Why is it that even the old city is filled with these people and the only people who recognize your oneness are the few people standing by your wall? Help us. Get us out of here."

I am still a little scared. But I know that I will get out of this. Fully. Completely. That I will heal and be able to hopefully heal others.

We can do it. Hashem is with us. We were the ones "Zoche" to be living in the generation before Moshiach who were entrusted with battling the hardest of challenges, many of them very significant to the time right before Moshiach, signs that we really are in the depths of darkness and need to and will get out. Hashem gets so much Nachas from seeing us win. If Hashem is with us and we try our hardest, we will succeed and bring Moshiach.

On a bit of a random note, I would like to suggest that everyone connect themselves to a Tzadik, any Tzadik. A Tzadik is one way to connect to G-d on a very deep level. I do have is the gift of being connected to a Tzadik who gives me strength and clarity. I very strongly feel that by doing this one gets something that he can't get by going straight to Hashem, and that is real, tangible relatability. Connecting to and relating to a Tzadik who relates to Hashem in a real and personal way will help us truly relate to Hashem in a real and personal way.

Please G-d, may we all merit to stand before you with our full and complete holy selves intact and be able to leap beyond these boundaries and completely defy all limitations. A Yid is not limited to anything. L'chaim, dear brothers and sisters. We have the strength. We have the clarity of being Yidden. We have Hashem Himself.

We can do it.

Daily Dose of Dov
 
We can't have true relationships till we're sober
 
By Dov

One cannot come to know anyone else without having da'as himself, first. In other words, for a man to share yediyah with his wife there have to be deyos - tarti mashma. I cannot know her at all - much less connect with her in da'as - unless I bring my own self-acceptance to the equation.

To me, da'as is not knowledge, but awareness - like how a frum person is aware that it is Shabbos, on Shabbos. It is a 'natural', or 'automatic' - knowledge that is part of the person. I think it is awareness that demonstrates the person's full acceptance of the way things are. Where there is da'as there is no doubt, there is no negotiation, no decision to be made.

Addiction ruins da'as completely. Cuz I do not trust or know myself. I could feel sincerely loving and devoted right now, and later tonight be truly desperate to get a better view of the figure of woman in the next isle of the supermarket. Heck, I could be acting out, too.

Until integrity becomes part of us, we do not really rest in any self-knowledge. There can be no da'as. All bets are truly off. And getting to that point takes time.

From my wife's side, the devastating pain and mistrust she had for me took a long time to be diluted enough for da'as to return to the relationship - she knew that she didn't really know me. That is a very sad part of addiction, how it drives people apart - and especially in sexual addiction, where the entire drive of the addict is for Yesod: connection and unity. Ouch.

The good news is that recovery, however we end up going about it, actually returns our da'as to us and enables relationships. For me, I got relationships in the meeting rooms long before I got my relationship with my wife back.

No wonder my wife tells me every few years that the happiest day in our life together was not our wedding, but the day I got sober and started recovery. And I didn't even recover in order to get the relationship back! I only did it in order not to lose myself. All the goodies are freebies.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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