Do I really need to stop?
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1752  
In Today's Issue
Editor’s Note: Are you ready to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to stop the insanity?
Chizuk: The pain of looking happy
Daily Dose of Dov: My Business vs. His Business
Q & A: Do I really need to stop?
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Editor’s Note
Are you ready to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to stop the insanity?

Announcing the start a new CYCLE of the 12-Step phone conference with Duvid Chaim

This Monday, Oct 23, 12pm Noon EST

See this page for more information

The pain of looking happy
By Anonymous

What is happiness?

Is happiness smiling, telling jokes,

having a good time?

If so why does my soul feel so empty?

Like my very being is getting burned up alive

with no one to put out the fire!

Don't they see someone suffering?

Don't they see someone who's scared to face the cruel world

that she just saw right by her fingertips?

Or they just see that "smile"

that comforts them why bother she looks "happy"

ow, what they don't understand is the pain the shame and the guilt!

So I ask again what is happiness?

Happiness is when my soul feels the truth

happiness is when I am not lying to the world

happiness is when I could look in the mirror and say yes this is who I am

I struggle I fall I get up and struggle again

I fight I lose and fight again

never to give up

when I come to that realization

there is a real smile on my face

I can show the world

that yes I’m happy

Daily Dose of Dov
My Business vs. His Business
By Dov

I haven't the luxury of being concerned at all with the afterlife, as I certainly never got sober because of yiras Shomayim, and - though the weight of guilt was devastating - it didn't hold a candle to my insanity. Though I certainly believe in consequences for aveiros, the fear of future pain of this world or of the next - never helped me quit. In my opinion, that is one of the things that shows me that I have a mental illness. It's plum crazy to risk a nice job, a marriage, my integrity, my relationships with my children, and my Olam Haba for a temporary adventure that always makes me thoroughly miserable.

While I may have hesitated or even desisted from doing a few lust-related aveiros a few dozen times over those terrible years - that has nothing at all to do with my sobriety. Acting out only 10% of the times I want to is still going to eventually ruin my life - totally. Eventually there will be nothing left...except for that lovely s'char for resisting 90% of the time.... Woopee.

That is not avodas Hashem, as far as I am concerned.

And sobriety certainly has nothing to do with willpower, for when it comes to lust I have none. Although I am sober over 14 years, I have not gotten any stronger.It was a freebie from Hashem; it is a freebie, and - if I remain sober tomorrow - it will be a freebie. I do not deserve to be sober.

So if He gives me no s'char at all for desisting from acting out for 60 years or so by the time I die, I will have no complaints. For it wasn't mine, at all. Besides being a good man, a decent father and husband, and an eved Hashem, I am a recovering pervert, as my wife and many friends in SA know, and I hope to die a recovering pervert. And that is just the way I like it.

What madreigah I am considered to be on by my Best Eternal Friend, whether I am looking forward to s'char, or onesh, and all other considerations that I am powerless over are out of my lexicon, thank-G-d. That's all His business now, and forever, not mine. All that stuff is just too confusing and self-absorbing for me and never did me a shred of good in the first place. It is all poison for me. Poison, poison, poison. And I sincerely believe that He wants me to ignore the 'accounting' part of my situation completely and leave it to Him, especially with respect to my lust.

What is my business, is what I do with the sober life that He gives me today, and whether I treasure it.

Q & A
Do I really need to stop?


I'm breaking free from porn, not masturbation. Does the one affect the other in terms of addiction or not? The 90-day chart for me isn't just a game to follow the rules for. I want to achieve my goal with it. Of course, I will do what is necessary in order to break free, even if that will include complete masturbation stop. But I would really like to know if that's what is necessary.

GYE Responds:

Read article
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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