Healing abuse: Happy Birthday, Dad
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1695  
In Today's Issue
Video of the Day: AMUDIM Presents: Happy Birthday, Dad!
Announcements: Dov's Q&A Thursday Call
Testimonials: How did I make it to 90 days?
90 Day Journey
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Still Clean Had a fall
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Video of the Day


AMUDIM Presents: Happy Birthday, Dad!

This video can help us understanding the trauma that abuse victims live with their whole lives. If you experienced abuse, GET HELP TODAY. See Amudim.org

Dov's Q&A Thursday Call
How did I make it to 90 days?
By GYE Member

First and foremost the first step in the right direction for me was clarity. Clarity, sincerity, and honesty with myself. The breaking point of rock bottom. The looking in the mirror with shame, disgust, yet daring to search for my soul and beg for it to fight.

Even that wasn't enough, after all, I wasn't in control. I was still busy living as my body. But the true desire to move beyond the lies no matter how deep in the quicksand was the still the 1st step. Step 2 was admitting my headstrong way of fighting my addictions wasn't enough. My rabbi introduced me to GYE, from then I started allowing advice permeate and help me. I read the GYE handbook which is a fantastic tool, signing up for the 90-day chart was monumental as well. The daily chizuk emails and the app nofap were important tools as well. A filtering tool is crucial, I used netspark which is good.

Most importantly I admitted to Hashem I needed his help. My soul needed to and still needs every day to be cleansed. But I admitted the truth as Chabakuk said, "The righteous live by their faith." The only way out was with faith. The only true way out in our times of struggle is with Hashem's help and allowance of our free will to be assisted. So I turned to Hashem and asked that he help me in my fight. I still can't explain how I reached 90 days since discovering porn and puberty well over a decade ago. In my fog of despair, I never thought I'd reach this far. All I know is it only happened because Hashem blessed me with his assistance. May we all find and stand with truth and be helped by Hashem to cleanse our souls one moment and day at a time. Another important thing to add is the 90-day chart is great for something to strive for. That being said we must remember to fight in the moment when we are attacked. If we find ourselves losing, we must have the strength and courage to press pause to our internal war, get out of our head and beg Hashem for help. May we all be healed and may we all heal this world from this horrible disease with Hashem's help.

Personal Stories
By Eye.nonymous

When I first heard about getting a filter, I was very resistant. It was about a month or two until my wife and I sat down together, looked through the information and installed K9.

One catalyst was my involvement on the forum. Posting messages like, "Woops, just slipped on the computer again. BTW, I don't have a filter." The fault--the stupidity even--became obvious.

I just thought I was too "curious" and too "multi-faceted" to do without free internet surfing.

I eventually gave in.

At first it hurt--OH, I CAN'T SEE THIS SITE! I felt so limited. After a while, I started to appreciate that it was for my own benefit. After a while, I REALLY didn't want to see things accidentally that I shouldn't see.

I got used to it.

Then, I started to notice that I'm just wasting lots of time on the computer. It's an ESCAPE and an ADDICTION, at least equal (if not worse) to this lust addiction.

Stopping to waste time was part of the same recovery process.

I don't have a white-list filter. (But, I've got K9 set up that it practically does the same thing now - see this page for info). At first, I never would have been able to accept such a thing. But now, I see that I REALLY only need a handful of sites. If I stray from those, I know--I'M WASTING TIME AGAIN!!! What about my wife? What about my children? Maybe I could actually be on time for afternoon seder!

I used to use the computer much longer than I expected and afterwards, I'd leave begrudgingly, "Oh no... I still need to do this, and this, and that..."

Now, I go on to the computer in the first place thinking "I REALLY don't want to use this thing much. Let's just take care of business and get off as fast as I can." I have people waiting for me who are more important.

If I didn't have work, I used to turn it on and pretend to be working.

Now, If I don't have real work to do, I can go a day or two without turning it on.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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