Marriage: Wanting what we have and having what we want
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1565  
In Today's Issue
Announcements: New Cycle of Duvid Chaim's 12-Step Phone Conference
Editor’s Note: Rabbi Twerski's recent talk in Jerusalem
Chizuk: The Barrel of Scorpions
Personal Stories: The Typical Suffering of the Wife of an Addict
Testimonials: My Wife is a Mirror
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New Cycle of Duvid Chaim's 12-Step Phone Conference

Announcing a new cycle of Duvid Chaim's Big Book 12-Step Phone Conference

Officially launching tomorrow!

The call takes place Mon-Thurs at 12 Noon - EST Eastern time

From U.S: 641-715-3836

From Israel: 076 599 0060

From U.K: 0330 606 0520

Participant Access Code: 637207#

See this page for info on the call

The 12-Steps were developed back in the 1930’s by a group of alcoholics. These people had tried everything in the world, and yet they could not stop their addiction to alcohol even though it was completely destroying their lives. Somehow, Hashem opened their eyes to a simple spiritual program of 12-Steps that began helping even the worst cases to recover. The success of this program slowly spread, and today there are thousands of 12-Step groups throughout the world for every type of addiction, whether it’s alcohol, gambling, over-eating, narcotics, or sexual addiction. This simple program has helped millions of people to recover from even the strongest cases of addiction. The 12-Steps work best when worked together as a group, and with a sponsor. On Duvid Chaim's group, you will be working the steps as a group together with other frum men. Hundreds have been helped through this great conference call!

Editor’s Note
Rabbi Twerski's recent talk in Jerusalem

 Rabbi Twerski's Talk - "Teshuvah Through Recovery"

 Those who couldn't make it to Rabbi Twerski's talk last week in Jerusalem can view a video of the event at this link

To watch Rabbi Twerski speaking about GYE click here (or jump to 50.40 in the video above).

For an MP3 audio of Rabbi Twerski's talk, click here. (For an audio clip just about GYE, click here).


The Barrel of Scorpions
By Yaakov from GYE

Most of us have so many blessings to be thankful for in our lives, but the Yetzer Hara tries to make us believe that we MUST have that one “forbidden fruit.” He tries to convince us that Hashem is withholding the ONE THING we want most because He really doesn’t have our best interest in mind.

The Gemara brings a Moshol from Rabbi Levi on the story of Adam in Gan Eden:

A married woman has a friend who asks her how her husband treats her. She responds that her husband gives her everything her heart desires and treats her like a queen, besides for one barrel that he has warned her not to touch. “In that barrel are snakes and scorpions, and my husband has warned me never to stick my hand in there.” Her friend responds, “rubbish! I’ll bet you he’s keeping all his money and diamonds in that barrel, saving it with a plan to leave you and give it to another woman whom he loves more than you.” When she heard that, she stuck her arm into the barrel and was promptly bitten and stung by snakes and scorpions. Upon hearing her cries, her husband came running and shouted, “Did you stick your hand into the barrel that I warned you not to?!”

This Moshol sounds so much like the Yetzer Hara for lust. Hashem truly has ONLY our best interest in mind at all times. He is withholding this back from us only for our OWN good. Let us not fall for the Yetzer Hara’s lies!

Personal Stories
The Typical Suffering of the Wife of an Addict

This painful letter was sent in to us by e-mail, and it is so typical of the suffering that wives of addicts go through. May it help us all to "Hit bottom while still on top".

My Wife is a Mirror
By Charlie
By GYE Member

When I first joined GYE, I was clean for 90 days. I was thrilled...

Then I got complacent. I kept reading the material, which eventually fizzled out, and then the chizuk emails began to seem unnecessary for "someone like me." So I canceled the emails with the excuse "what if someone would find that I was getting Shmiras Einayim chizuk? That would really be embarrassing!" I felt protected against falling as if images or interactions could not affect me.

Unfortunately, it took only about 4 days for those defenses to collapse. I fell back into the addiction, and my days filled again with hours and days of obsession, masturbation, seeking pleasures outside of marriage, a destruction of Shalom Bayis, and a sensation of retracting into myself and, again, standing behind a glass screen observing life.

I cried in davening after my wife attacked me for being cold, cut-off, distant, not caring about her feelings, not engaging with her... She called me every profane word imaginable - and she is a FRUM girl. Of course, Hashem put those words in her mouth. I was totally immersed in scheming to act out! I had no space for her, nor for my children. All I had space for was escaping from reality. After a 40 day hiatus, I reconnected with GYE and restarted the 90 days. I am now at day 13, and I see my wife smiling at me again. It's amazing; her view of me is the ultimate litmus test as to if I am being "human" or if I am living in a world of fantasy. My wife reflects me now.

Today, I am clean and I am TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for myself. And now, she reflects love and warmth. She is not schizophrenic - she is Hashem's "measuring stick": behave correctly and you will have a loving wife or the reverse.

Hashem should give me strength to never forget that EVERY DAY IS A NEW DAY AND EVERY DAY I CAN FALL BACK TO THE VERY BEGINING. I CAN NOT RELY ON MY MERITS OR SUCCESSES OF YESTERDAY. Hashem, I never want to leave you again!

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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