Dear Ladies, If you find that you cannot afford therapy or coaching while you are going to meetings or not.

Here's the best solution for you: A small community of support and Coaching / Counseling from an experienced Life/Addiction Coach.

With Miriam, who has done extensive recovery of 22 years and coached many to live a life of thriving recovery.

Free introductory Group Coaching for 5 individual ladies only!

September the 25th at 2:00 PM EST

First come first serve. If you need further information do not hesitate to call me directly 214-446-1828 in the U.S, or 054-646-3718 in Israel.

When You Caught Your Husband

It's been hard recently. My wife and I have been "off" for about six weeks due to a change in medication, and it's been hard. I stumbled with computer stuff once or twice but I picked myself up and started again. I find it's about keeping to my own rules. If I am meikel, than - boy, oh boy - is it a kulah sh'osi lidei Chumrah!

Anyway, today after Mincha, as I walked back to the office, I was tired and stressed. I knew I was gonna fall. I just knew it. So I lifted my eyes to Hashem and tried to see the world as He sees it. I tried to experience my Yiddishkeit more than just live through it.

Maybe it was that, maybe coincidence, but I have been so busy all afternoon, I have had less than a minute to myself. I am stealing these few seconds to write this as I rush to another thing.

My day is never like this.

I don't know if it's Hashgocha or not (please don't write in trying to convince me it is - it's a Sugya :-) ) but I sure am grateful to Hashem!!!

Do you struggle with unwanted same-sex attractions? If so, consider joining the weekly SSA conference call!

On Tuesday September 13 from 10:45-11:30 am EST, a new cycle for this conference call will begin, and if you have never joined these calls before, it will be an opportune time to start!

These calls work hard at providing a balanced, clear, and understandable perspective as to what men can do to move beyond their struggle of unwanted same-sex attractions. Some of the discussions include: why we develop sexual attractions all together, how to reduce lust towards men and reach a better sense of peace and wholeness within ourselves, what type of process we can take to ultimately develop attractions for the opposite-sex, and how we can all go on this journey with respect, authenticity, and integrity within Torah and religious values.

You can find all of the call details at this link: https://guardyoureyes.com/component/zoo/item/ssa-conference

May we all have much hatzlacha and bracha moving forward!

A funny thing seems to happen to all the folks I meet in recovery after they are sober for a while: They take on this mindset that they are not in this world to overcome lust. They begin to see their sobriety only as a gateway to real living. See the start of step 4 or 6 in AA's "12&12" for more on this, if you like. (These chapters discuss how ourinstincts, which are necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper functions - and how we sometimes use our natural instincts for self-destruction). In fact, freedom from lust is the very last thing I feel is my tachlis in this world. There is this giant thing called "life" waiting for me out there. My wife, kids, the people I come in contact with, the Torah to learn... knowing G-d. These things beat any "struggle" hands-down.

Is my tachlis in this world really to beat lust? And I don't even really beat it anyway - Hashem does.... Is this a goal for a yid? Don't you think you'd want better for your kids? (After all, we're all Hashem's children). A father of a boy with emotional problems wants his son to eventually see his struggle with depression as 'road-kill' - at least in some respect.... not to stay in it - seeing it as 'the great purpose of his life'! Gevalt! What about living? Is this not poshut? Am I missing something here? OK maybe I am, as some mussar purists might tell me (with a Messilas Yeshorim squarely to the head); but as an addict, this is a totally unacceptable way of life, as far as I am aware. I have not seen the 'tortured strugglers' get better. Frumer - maybe, but rarely sober for very long. I don't personally know of any, as a matter of fact. Nu. Perhaps I need to get out more often! ;-)

Yes, yes, in the beginning of recovery - yes - the struggle to 'stop struggling' and give up completely on my ability to use lust successfully needs to be the prime focus of everything; i.e. the opposite extreme of how I was living before. But over time, it needs to reverse itself to simply living as G-d's boychik (or girlchik); and living with gusto! That's why the rest of the 12 steps (after the first) don't mention my problem at all. The 'problem' was just a symptom of being screwed up, after all!

Furthermore, to me, this kind of talk is just more 'romanticism', which is ultimately about me, me, me. Romance with challenges, struggles and madreigos. I know the pull to it is tremendous. It is very attractive, the idea of getting "healed". But I - an addict - need to learn to live as an addict. It is probably fine for normal yidden to make 'the struggle' the entire point of life, and possibly even a great madreiga - difficult as I find it to accept. Yet, I have been there, as have many others, and for me as an addict, it's just useless.

Just a share, for free, chaver.

- Dov

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.