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If you can help please let us know by email: help@gye.org.il

I'm a lust addict. What does that mean? It means that even when I'm not actually doing the big act, I'm thinking about it. I'm fantasizing. I'm checking out women for lower-level excitement. And the pressure builds until I am completely out of control and act out again.

I have found that the place where I can exert the most influence is with these smaller hits of the lust drug. If I don't take the small doses, then I have a much easier time resisting the bigger stuff.

I have been wanting to email someone at guardyoureyes for awhile. I wanted to sincerely thank you and all your staff for all the resources available on your website. I found out my husband was watching schmutz about 7 months ago. It was the worst yissurim I ever had in my life. I couldn't stop crying, I was depressed, not eating, unable to function, having a hard time to sleep etc., until I found your website (by doing a google search for help, and it was stated on an article on Aish's website) and I spoke to Miriam and listened to the shiurim for spouses. 

Question to the Rav:

I am 21. I started mast* at 13. Por* was an issue for many years but now it's under control. My issue is that I get physical pain in that area after about 5 days of not mast*. I have trouble urinating. I did a lot of research and I think what's happening is that my prostate is getting full that it is pressing on my urinary tract. Sometimes if I have the opportunity I can lie in bed and endure the pain until it subsides which can take almost an hour. But I'm not always in a situation that I can do that so I just end up going to a restroom and mast* and then I am able to urinate normally right away. I sometimes hope I have a wet dream so that I can consider myself clean without enduring the pain. Any advice for me? I used to have to masturbate like on day 4. Now I increased it to day 7 or 8. I even got to 11 but that was with a nocturnal emission in the middle. Thank you for your help. I don't want to go in to marriage with this. I want to get rid of this addiction.

The Rav Responds:

There is no physical (anatomical) mechanism that would cause a urinary retention due to the amount of time between releasing sperm. The expert doctors do not know of and have not heard of a "medical" reason. Their opinion is that it is completely "emotional" or call it "psycho-somatic".

First he should be reassured that once he gets married, the fear and problem will go away. In the meantime, it should be treated like a panic attack (with the help of CBT or a relaxant).

There is no way to allow to masturbate for emotional relief.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.