Dear Scared Witless,

The Tzadikim have already addressed this Zohar that implies there is no Teshuvah for this, and offered numerous answers and explanations. It’s not our topic, but the point is, you can definitely do teshuva even for this, and it does not contradict the Zohar in the slightest bit! The 84 fasts and all these other suggestions were for previous generations, not for our generation at all.

Teshuvah was created even before the world was created, and Hashem knew that we would stumble in these areas. Hashem has infinite patience and He understands us far better than we understand ourselves. Chazal say that Hashem even brought David Hamelech to stumble with Bas Sheva, only to show us the incredible power of Teshuvah.

Also, it is brought down in the Holy books that, through a sincere Teshuvah, all the souls that we created through our sins actually become uplifted, and they change from being “accusing angels” to “defending angels” instead.

By learning the proper perspective on this struggle and by taking the steps we can to break free, we are doing exactly what Hashem intended for us to do all along. That is our Teshuvah.

Take this iron-clad rule: If you do what you think Hashem wants, and you really mean it sincerely, you will never be harmed. The Pasuk says: “In all your ways you shall know Hashem, and he will straighten out your path for you”. Chaza"l say: “Hashem did not give Torah to angels,” and they also say: “Hakadosh Baruch Hu does not come and try harassing his creations [giving them tasks that are too hard].”

Also, keep in mind that the past is out of our hands. All Hashem asks of us is the NOW. If we learned from our falls and take real steps to prevent them in the future and work on our recovery NOW, we are doing real Teshuva and making Hashem happy. And you are doing fantastic in this area!

So keep up the good work!

I am very happily married with B"H a house full of children. I have been suffering from a lust addiction for decades, since I was a teenager. I have had my ups and downs. I even looked into joining a 12-Step SA group, but my Yetzer Hara got the better of me convincing myself with various arguments that it wasn't for someone in my life situation. About a year ago, I finally came clean to an old Rebbi of mine who I knew would understand what I was going through. Just coming out and speaking to someone who understood me was a tremendous relief. B"H as a result, I don't think that I have had a major fall since then. But then of course, you know what happens. I joined Facebook for some "work" related project, and lo and behold, who do you think all of my "friends" were? Still, I think that my earlier meeting or my more cognizant awareness that Hashem was watching kept me from the severe falls of the past. Then things weren't working out as planned and I felt the urge to fall overcome me again. I thought I should pick up the phone and speak with my Rebbe, but I was lazy. Then a couple of weeks ago, I stumbled across an outdated link to a post from what looks like the guardyoureyes forum with suggested online shuirim to help with the struggle. I listened to Rabbi Reisman's shuir from Yirmiyahu. It was very encouraging. I went back telling myself that whoever posted this was on to something. It was then that I came across the real guardyoureyes website, which for years is something that I have been searching for. It is truly a lifesaver. Words cannot describe my gratitude to Hashem and to all you guys for the work you are doing. Reading the handbook felt as if a ton of bricks was lifted from me. I felt like the handbook was written all for me. It's like someone was there in my brain and knew exactly what I was going through. I knew that B"H my life was in for a major change. I am almost done my first read through of the book. I joined all of the daily Chizuk emails. Reading them for a couple of days now, I know that this is the place for me. Today I joined the 90 days wall and the forum.

Boruch Shechyanu V'Kiyamonu L'zman HaZeh

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.