Teen or Not, Fear Not!
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1487  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Image of the Day
Q & A: Scared of Eternal Suffering?
Links: GYE articles for teenagers.
Testimonials: Coming Clean
 
 
90 Day Journey
 
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Still Clean Had a fall
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Image of the Day
 
Q & A
 
Scared of Eternal Suffering?
 
By GYE

Starting from around fifth grade, I masturbated daily for about 6 and a half years. Baruch Hashem, in 11th grade I finally stopped. That was 2 years ago, and since then I have been struggling with porn. Baruch Hashem, I have seen significant improvement, and in the past 7 months I have only fell twice in that regard.

Ever since I discovered GYE, I have learned a lot about the reality of addiction. I have a lot of gratitude to the people (tzadikim) who run GYE, and to Hashem for leading me to it.

The problem I'm facing now is that much of what I saw in toiradige sources regarding masturbation is extremely terrifying. For example, the gemaras that say there is no tshuva and the meforshim explain that this means that the tshuva is almost impossible. That in order to do tshuva you have to fast 84 fasts for every time you were mz"l. That you create thousands of "sons" who get trapped in tumadige place and become evil and are mekatrig against you, and they drag you down to gehinom after you die and give you "kibud av" feeding you HOT COALS and dressing you in clothes of manure etc... Tfillos are not answered, all your mitzvos and Toirah go to the sitra achra etc...

How is a person, who was nichshal in this aveira for so long and has emuna that these things are true, supposed to react to this? I know that the prevailing mehalach on GYE is to focus on what helps a person achieve sobriety and that focusing on these things is usually detrimental to that. However, if we believe this is true and this is real, then how can a person (addict) ever be happy? Knowing that the day he dies all sorts of horrors await. Whatever you call a lust addict, whether or not he's not in control, I don't see any way of getting around these horrible things.

Please tell me how I can still have real hope and happiness because this is quite depressing.

Thank you,

Scared Witless

Dear Scared Witless,

The Tzadikim have already addressed this Zohar that implies there is no Teshuvah for this, and offered numerous answers and explanations. It’s not our topic, but the point is, you can definitely do teshuva even for this, and it does not contradict the Zohar in the slightest bit! The 84 fasts and all these other suggestions were for previous generations, not for our generation at all.

Teshuvah was created even before the world was created, and Hashem knew that we would stumble in these areas. Hashem has infinite patience and He understands us far better than we understand ourselves. Chazal say that Hashem even brought David Hamelech to stumble with Bas Sheva, only to show us the incredible power of Teshuvah.

Also, it is brought down in the Holy books that, through a sincere Teshuvah, all the souls that we created through our sins actually become uplifted, and they change from being “accusing angels” to “defending angels” instead.

By learning the proper perspective on this struggle and by taking the steps we can to break free, we are doing exactly what Hashem intended for us to do all along. That is our Teshuvah.

Take this iron-clad rule: If you do what you think Hashem wants, and you really mean it sincerely, you will never be harmed. The Pasuk says: “In all your ways you shall know Hashem, and he will straighten out your path for you”. Chaza"l say: “Hashem did not give Torah to angels,” and they also say: “Hakadosh Baruch Hu does not come and try harassing his creations [giving them tasks that are too hard].”

Also, keep in mind that the past is out of our hands. All Hashem asks of us is the NOW. If we learned from our falls and take real steps to prevent them in the future and work on our recovery NOW, we are doing real Teshuva and making Hashem happy. And you are doing fantastic in this area!

So keep up the good work!

Links
 

In addition to an e-book addressed to teens, Dear Bochur,  and the collection of audio shiurim by the same name, we also have a number of articles, most of them written by teenagers for teenagers. 

If you are 13 to 19 yeqrs of age, and your natural curiosity got the best of you, and you have trouble stopping these behaviors - then, participating on our Teen Forum, reading articles and emails, and realizing that this issue is more serious than you'd like to admit, is a sure-fire road to success.  

GYE articles for teenagers.
Testimonials
 
Coming Clean
 
By Yuro Jew

I am very happily married with B"H a house full of children. I have been suffering from a lust addiction for decades, since I was a teenager. I have had my ups and downs. I even looked into joining a 12-Step SA group, but my Yetzer Hara got the better of me convincing myself with various arguments that it wasn't for someone in my life situation. About a year ago, I finally came clean to an old Rebbi of mine who I knew would understand what I was going through. Just coming out and speaking to someone who understood me was a tremendous relief. B"H as a result, I don't think that I have had a major fall since then. But then of course, you know what happens. I joined Facebook for some "work" related project, and lo and behold, who do you think all of my "friends" were? Still, I think that my earlier meeting or my more cognizant awareness that Hashem was watching kept me from the severe falls of the past. Then things weren't working out as planned and I felt the urge to fall overcome me again. I thought I should pick up the phone and speak with my Rebbe, but I was lazy. Then a couple of weeks ago, I stumbled across an outdated link to a post from what looks like the guardyoureyes forum with suggested online shuirim to help with the struggle. I listened to Rabbi Reisman's shuir from Yirmiyahu. It was very encouraging. I went back telling myself that whoever posted this was on to something. It was then that I came across the real guardyoureyes website, which for years is something that I have been searching for. It is truly a lifesaver. Words cannot describe my gratitude to Hashem and to all you guys for the work you are doing. Reading the handbook felt as if a ton of bricks was lifted from me. I felt like the handbook was written all for me. It's like someone was there in my brain and knew exactly what I was going through. I knew that B"H my life was in for a major change. I am almost done my first read through of the book. I joined all of the daily Chizuk emails. Reading them for a couple of days now, I know that this is the place for me. Today I joined the 90 days wall and the forum.

Boruch Shechyanu V'Kiyamonu L'zman HaZeh

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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