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I am a broken k'li. I used to be molei busha uch'limah (filled with shame and embarrassment) while acting out.
In recovery, I have come to see that I am a k'li sh'vurah (a broken vessel).
That's when all my busha and ch'lima leaked out.
Now I'm empty.
Only Hashem can fill me with his Light now.
And light does not leak out of a broken k'li.
And as long as I remember that I'm cracked, it'll stay empty of the busha and leave room for His Light.

B"H shelo asani oved!

Dear Rabbi Twerski,

A woman called that she found out her father was using escort services and the like. I offered to send the father an e-mail telling him that someone in the family was concerned about him and wanted him to know about GYE and SA 12-Step groups. 

She is a nurse, however, and she is concerned that her mother could possibly catch AIDS, hepatitis or herpes from the father who is doing these things. She wants to know if she should let her mother know and/or confront the father. What would the Rav advise in such a case?

Thank you, thank you, thank you GYE!!!

Before I started the 90 days this time (I did it once before but fell soon after...), I was so afraid. I have been falling every other day and I was terrified of failing but even more terrified of letting go of my self-pleasure. Finally, after receiving some help from people on GYE, I realized that I would always want the acting out, but that there was something else that I wanted too - and more deeply. That was sobriety. To be clean. To be able to feel close to God. So I began.

I was afraid of trying for 90 with nothing to help me in moments of temptation. I did try to avoid those moments, but what really helped was:

a) The Taphsic method. I vowed that if I wanted to act out, I'd first have to say "Hashem, I want to be close to you" 100 times. If I still fell after that, I'd pay $50 to GYE. If I fell without doing that (even though I remembered), then I'd have to pay $100 to GYE. I didn't fall.

b) I joined DC's 12 step conference calls. Being constantly involved in recovery talk and thoughts and doing the exercises has helped me SO MUCH.

Click here for info on how to join Duvid Chaim's Free 12-Step phone Conference.

Duvid Chaim helped us understand Step 1 of the 12 steps with the Big Book: "We admitted we were powerless over lusting and that our lives had become unmanageable".

I love the saying we've been using in the calls: "I was once a cucumber, now I'm a pickle, and I'll never be a cucumber again." When I was very young I could lust normally, but now I'm an addict and I'll never be able to lust normally again. We addicts are different than other "regular" people. We will never be able to lust like them. We can't even lust a little bit, because once we get started we don't know how to stop. We can't control our feelings of lust.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.