Weakness or Strength?
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1407  
In Today's Issue
Prevention: How is Porn Addictive?
Torah: Leave the Mitzrayim of the Yetzer Hara
Chizuk: Weakness or Strength?
Daily Dose of Dov: Getting Open to Hashem's Help
90 Day Journey
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How is Porn Addictive?
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Leave the Mitzrayim of the Yetzer Hara

This Shabbos is perhaps the most powerful Shabbos of Shovavim since we read about Yetzias Mitzrayim. In a spiritual sense, everyone of us is given a chance this Shabbos to leave the Mitzrayim of the Yetzer Hara behind us once and for all.

I heard an adam Gadol speak this week, and he mentioned that the Beis Ahron of Karlin says that this Shabbos - Parshas Bo, a Pesach (door) opens up already to the coming Pesach (Passover Holiday). And the adam Gadol also spoke about how a person has to stop being "Poseach al Shnei Hase'ifim" (as Eliyahu HaNavi asked Klal Yisrael - "until when will you hold on to both sides of the stick? If Hashem is G-d, go after him, and if the idols [read: Yetzer Hara], then go after them). Instead, he said, let us all fulfill the verse: "Pesach hu La'Hashem" and make a jump over to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, leaving all the foolishness behind us.

Weakness or Strength?
By the.guard

A 10-year-old boy decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident. The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn’t understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.

Read more
Daily Dose of Dov
Getting Open to Hashem's Help
By Dov

"EsaEinai" posted on the forum:


I just want to say thank you to everyone who has put this site together and all its contributing members!!!! For most of my life I have been dealing with these issues alone (over 20 years). Even though the greater portion of my life I did not know that I was Jewish or understand Torah, and within the society of a young man outside the tents of Torah many things are generally acceptable; I still knew it was wrong.

I have been arguing with this y'h' and trying to outsmart him for at least 10 years. I am so exhausted and melancholy that I find writing this and expressing myself to be a challenge.

Today is the 7th day clean for me, and for the most part I have completely avoided speaking to my friend the y'h'.

During 10 plus years of battle on a near daily basis (3650 days) I have tried hundreds of strategies, if not thousands.I am of the opinion that all of them are worthless, for the most part! You can't outsmart the Yetzer Hara, you can't even talk to him or you lose. You have to turn the battle over to Hashem and be completely dependent and attached to Him at every single moment.

Dov Responds to EsaEinai:

Ditto, EsaEinai - The trick is, learning how to do that after having lived for many years "controlling" our pleasure feelings with schmutz, fantasy, and masturbation basically on demand, and having a relationship with Hashem that is so twisted that we usually come to think that all He really cares about is my struggle with the Yetzer Hara.

After having been sober for a while, it dawned on me that I was not really living while in addiction - just faking it real well.

I was taught that if I really want to be successful at turning the struggle over to Hashem, as you beautifully recommend, I also had to do my best to turn the rest of my life over to Him, too. Sounds like a tall order, but SA (12 steps in a chevra) kept that rather simple.

BTW, my experience tells me that the reason it doesn't work at all as long as I focus on personal change in this area alone, is not because Hashem is mean or punishes me, rather, it is because as long as I held fast onto the idea that "I was A-OK - except for this embarrassing problem" - I was never really open for Hashem's help at all. Having temporary tidal waves of sincere teshuva is just plain silly. It never got me anywhere - I was back to the races the next day, week, month.... and all the advice for how to "make a kinyan in it" from well-meaning 'normal' folks, just made me feel more guilty when I failed at them. In other words, they were worse than useless to me.

I had to come to see that my priorities in life were screwed up (for example, the ridiculous belief in my heart that sof davar, the only proof that my wife (or any woman) really accepts and loves me, is the offering of sex) [by living steps 1&2].

Soon I found that I could actually start learning how to trust Hashem to really help me with my life (my real life, like learning and davening, school, the job, marriage, family, childrearing and other relationships, the lottery - just slipped that one in, sorry) [by living steps 2&3].

I started slowly learning how to honestly devote myself to caring about what Hashem wants (ie, what is good) more than about what I want [steps 2,3 and all the rest].

And life has slowly, shockingly, become great.

All these gifts just from being an addict. Not a bad deal.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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