Do you want JOY in your Life??

I cannot accept that Hashem brought you through this problem just to get you out of it so you could just move on from here as though nothing happened. He could have protected you from getting into the problem in the first place, no?

Rav Noach zt"l used to say:

"A guy came to Aish and heard me talk about how you can learn about G-d in a Yeshiva. He told me that he already knows about G-d, so he doesn't need to come here for that. I asked him about it and he told me about a miraculous landing he once had, falling off his bike and down a cliff - and walked away without a scratch! So he knew there must be a G-d!

I asked him, "if there is a G-d, then why did he let you fall off the bike in the first place?... Do you think maybe He was trying to get your attention? Maybe he wants you to come to a Yeshiva to really get to know Him, no?"

I love it (and loved Rav Noach). And Hashem loves you.

You may blame this whole problem on yourself. I'd bet you do (as I always did). But the facts may be that it really is not totally your fault. You may be just a little nuts (like many of us). Or you may be stuck in a pattern now and just can't get out on your own (like many of us).

You can blame yourself for the whole thing and give up, (which apparently hasn't been working very well for any of us till now, or we wouldn't be here) or you can consider that maybe Hashem is trying to get your attention. Maybe He wants us to need Him so much and to use Him so much, that we finally grow up and turn to Him the way He knows we can. That is one of the things you may find help with on this site. Keep reading.

I tend to be more logical than emotional, Litvish rather than Chasidish. I'm usually very skeptical about these messages I see often on the forum such as, "WOW, I've been clean now for a whole week and I feel like a different person! I've got so much kavannah in davening, and so much simcha all the time!"

So, I must report that I have now reached 16 clean days. I've been clean before for 16 clean days, but never while I was consciously trying to get rid of lust. And I think someone posted here, "One fall during recovery is worth more than a clean day while you're not trying to recover."

I can't say I'm jumping for joy all day long, and I can't say I feel like I'm on the moon when I'm davening. But I am starting to sense this subtle undercurrent of simcha, which I have never felt before. And I think it is a simcha that can spill into all aspects of life. I feel a bit different towards my children, towards my wife, and even towards davening. No doubt, it is due to my efforts in trying to break free of lust.

Throughout these weeks I have been telling myself over and over again, "Watch out now! Be careful not to lust! Don't lust!"

I was surprised that, even with my wife, the same message popped into my head, "don't lust!" I realize now much more than ever before, I was thinking of marital relations as the kosher outlet for lust. But now, I sense that it is really supposed to be something entirely different.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.