Interested in Attitude Change?
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1395  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day
Q & A: Why did Hashem give this to me in the first place?
Testimonials: Thanks to GYE, I got my life back.
Daily Dose of Dov: Living to Give
Practical Tips: The Science of Habit Change
Links: When is Sex an Addiction?
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Image of the Day
Q & A
Why did Hashem give this to me in the first place?
Q: I'm currently doing my steps with a non-Jewish sponsor. I am up to step 2/3 and I'm pretty stuck. I can't get past it because I have a question that's bothering me. Being that it's G-D related, my sponsor has told me to pose this question to a Jewish "rabbi" etc. I'm turning to you, thinking maybe this has already been discussed on GYE, and you can direct me to an answer. If only a "power greater than myself" (Hashem) can restore me to sanity, then why did he make me "insane" and give me this addiction in the first place? If I'm powerless over it, that means I didn't "choose" it. And if only He can take it away, then why give it to me to begin with?

A: To answer your question, let me start with this introduction: Powerless doesn't mean you are not responsible for your recovery. The 12-Steps is actually all about taking responsibility! All that powerless means is that you can't do anything about the addiction itself, like someone who has diabetes can't do anything about that fact. But they can and must take their insulin, and you CAN and MUST do everything that is in your power to allow HASHEM into your life so that HE will do for you what you can't do for yourself.

The steps from 4 and on are all there to teach us how to get rid of our character defects so that we can finally let Hashem in. And when we let Hashem in, He will take CARE of us way better than we can care for ourselves (which is what we were doing in addiction - trying to care for ourselves in an insane way).

So asking a question "why Hashem gave me in the first place?" is like asking, "If insulin and exercise can anyway help deal with my diabetes, why did Hashem give it to me in the first place?"

Hashem gave you the addiction, yes, but He wants to see you take responsibility and do what YOU can do, which is to work on your character defects in order to let Him more and more into your life and into your heart. And once you do that, He will restore you to sanity. So the first 3 steps are just saying, "Change your focus. Stop trying to deal with the addiction itself, you can't. Instead, recognize that only Hashem can". The rest of the steps are about how to get Hashem to actually do it for us, i.e. by taking responsibility for what we CAN do, which is ridding ourselves of that which stands between us and Hashem's help.

Suggestion: Click here to listen to a very insightful twelve part workshop on the 12-Steps from Dov (who is sober in SA for 18+ years) to understand how to make the 12-Step program work for you.



Thank you so so very much for the reply. I will re-read it over the next few days and internalize these ideas. I appreciate the clarity with which you have explained it all.

Thank you for the link to the workshop as well. Will start listening to it iyh.

Thanks to GYE, I got my life back.
By GYE Member

I want to thank you and the whole GYE staff!

In short, GYE gave me back my life. You can search my thread called 'lomeds thread' where you can see my journey. I have no words for you all and your donors that are the backbone of this. May Hashem give you much nachas and hatzlacha in the avodas hakodesh.

Daily Dose of Dov
Living to Give
By Dov

If we are holding our breath, it will get harder and harder. Guaranteed. On the other hand... If we are giving up a little bit on getting, and living to give a bit more than we were before, then it starts getting easier.

How to do that without being together with others who are learning to do the same, escapes me. I have to be with recovery people, and I have to be reading recovery literature, like AA member stories, etc....

Practical Tips
The Science of Habit Change
Part 9/14
By the.guard


Read more

A sex addiction test is included with this article.

When is Sex an Addiction?

Please note: This link will take you outside of GYE network. While we vetted the site and found it to conatin no objectionable imagery, viewer discretion is nonetheless advised.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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