Rabbi Chanoch Harris, Director of the Jewish Center for Wellbeing will be joining us on

Duvid Chaim's 12-Step phone conference

12 PM EST - Wednesday November 11th.

The theme of the call:

Menuchas HaNefesh

Addictions and the Principles of Innate Health!

One way of understanding addiction is simply getting lost in dark thoughts and using certain behaviors as relief. But we don't need to battle, stop, or banish the darkness. With a little understanding, we see how human it is to go into insecure thought, and how human it is to wake up from it.

Understanding leads to compassion, compassion leads to letting go, letting go leads to letting G-d. That's the healing we seek and it's already here.

"G-d made man straight and they sought many calculations" (Koheles, 7:29).

Our yashrus is our innate connection to His wisdom. Nothing can destroy it; our main job is not to get in the way.

Rabbi Chanoch Harris is the Director of the Jewish Center for Wellbeing. He has worked extensively with adults seeking to find freedom from unwanted behaviors and integrate life-changing wisdom.

Prior to his founding the JCW, he worked for 14 years as the Educational Director of Aish HaTorah in Manhattan.

Please Join us by calling:

From U.S: 641-715-3836

From Israel: 076 599 0060

From U.K: 0330 606 0520

Participant Access Code: 637207#

To LISTEN TO OUR AMAZING GUEST SPEAKERS,

visit

Conference call page.

Interestingly, after reading this article by Rabbi Twerski, I read a post by "Momo" on the forum, where he discusses Duvid Chaim's 12-Step phone conference and writes:

"Duvid Chaim often speaks about our need to be more spiritual and not just act religious".

And then "Momo" goes on to quote from an article in today's Jerusalem Post written by a contemporary religious writer, whose ideas - although critical - are surprisingly similar in nature to what Rabbi Twerski wrote above:

Orthodox Judaism has reached a moment of truth. Many people no longer believe that Jewish learning and observance make you a better person. They no longer believe there is any correlation between keeping Shabbat and keeping honest, between wearing tzitzit and avoiding adultery, or between lighting Shabbat candles and seeing the light of God's grace in every human being.

When I hit bottom and first started real recovery, I made my priority doing whatever it takes to stay sober today. I wouldn't call it "working on my addiction", because for me, that puts too much power into my ego. After all, my addiction was really working on me. I did my part to live right: worked the steps with my sponsor, went to meetings regularly, and acted like I was really sick, cuz I am. And just doing that, made me change and slowly get healthier. I give all the credit for any improvement in myself to two things: (1) Hashem and, (2) l'havdil, my addiction. For me, it's like gravity: you get stronger and stronger just by walking around and not falling on your butt. But you have to be walking, not just standing there and "trying not to fall".

You can see how concentrating on "not acting out" can short-circuit the entire thing, because it's a sure way to keep me living in the problem, rather than in the solution.

In my case and others', the addict needed to give something up, to break free of the shame and admit the truth of their inability to stop - to themselves and to other (safe) people, and ask for help.

They also needed to stop doing what is not working for them. As long as they keep trying the same exact thing and expecting a completely different result (it'll work/I really mean it this time!), they are doomed to keep having taynos (complaints) on Hashem, thinking "why is He not helping me?!".

The things they are trying are:

1) Acting out (Yup! In the heat of the moment, we all figured that if we just gave in, the annoying tayva would finally leave us alone for a while, right?),

2) Davening for "help" (even though they are not letting go of the sheretz and doing nothing really different) - the SA white book calls this "begging G-d to take it away so that we do not have to give it up!"),

3) Learning/davening/doing every normal thing the same as we always have, as though nothing is wrong (hiding at all costs).

None of these things worked for me to quit, at all, and they only made the habit of living within the problem deeper and worse. (Sort of like not breaking the luchos, if you know what I mean. They were the luchos, after all... not very nice to throw luchos on the floor, you know....)

I am not saying davening does not help, nor am I suggesting we stop living normally. What I am talking about is admitting that our davening and learning, family time (or lack thereof), and other habits, have not been innocent bystanders in our problem. WE ARE one person. These good parts of our lives have most likely been molded and twisted, perverted, to allow us to live the sick way we have been living. They do not need to stop, but they need to change.

Are you new to recovery? If you are reading this and you answer this question with a solid yet resigned YES, walking into a 12-step meeting can be overwhelming.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.