When I was fighting addiction and my own mussar was not working for me, I had no choice; there was no Shlomo Hamelech to go to. So I went to the practical experience of millions of addicts.

Their experience is that the basic prescription of AA co-founder, Dr. Bob (see a copy of his prescription here) to:
(1) Trust in G-d
(2) Clean House
(3) Help Others
is just what the addict needs.

And their experience is, that these three precepts are most easily achieved through the 12 Steps.

And their experience is that the best way to get the 12 Steps, is by working one-on-one with someone who has experience of the same addiction, and who experienced overcoming that very addiction by using the Steps.

This is how it is summarized in the AA Big Book:

"One alcoholic could affect another as no non-alcoholic could... Strenuous work, one alcoholic with another, was vital to permanent recovery." (p xvi-xvii)

Does this mean that we need to get defensive about the supremacy of Torah? Absolutely not. Mussar, as R' Yisroel said long before the AA Big Book was ever written, depends on experience. And fortunately, our Rabbeim have no experience in addiction.

There are some beautiful beaches in the world that have hidden dangers. When water floods sand below the surface, the sand particles get pushed apart. The result is a muddy mixture of the two that can’t support the weight of a person. When someone walks over it, they sink down. It’s a trap known as quicksand. As the person sinks down, it pushes the water out creating a vacuum effect that secures its victim tighter and tighter. Sometimes it only takes moments to absorb someone into a desperate situation.

This is what pornography does to millions every day. It starts simple enough without any sign of danger, a movie on cable or the click of the mouse. We tell ourselves there’s nothing wrong with it, or perhaps it’s not that bad, even though we keep it secret. Pretty soon what started as “controllable” and “here and there” turns into a habit, deeper and deeper. But the user is not the only one affected. The consequences for our society as a whole is alarming. Knowing the dangers and taking them seriously will allow us to avoid getting ensnared. The fate of the next generation depends on us. Here are 4 dangers of pornography.

My school recently made a video for some project to be shared on social media. I noticed that the boys in my class, who were involved in the video, purposefully put videos of themselves looking real good so that the girls from the girls' school will watch it and see how "cool" they are. So basically, I made sure not to be in the video, as I feel it’s wrong to chase Kavod and try to attract attention. Also, the girls' school made a video and put it on social media, but I have decided not to watch it, as it won’t be good for me to start fantasizing about the girls in my year. I was happy that I made these firm decisions, but, honestly, it’s not easy to stay strong.

On a related note, there is a standing concert coming up on Motzai Shabbos in my city. It is mixed, but separate dancing. But there will still be mingling, and I know it won't be appropriate for people from my youth movement to go. But my youth movement didn't organize any alternative, so some boys are going, even though the director advised madrichim not to go. But since there's the excuse of there being a mechitza for dancing, people are saying that it's OK to go. So I have organized a Melave Malke kumzits in my house instead. Although a few boys will go to the concert anyway, most guys are happy to come to the melave malka, as they know this is the kosher way.

B”H, now there is another option for them!

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.