ONCE AGAIN, THAT AWFUL PAIN

SHAME, REMORSE, I'VE GONE INSANE

THAT FIRST LOOK, MUST'NT DRINK

BUT I DID AND NOW OF ALL I CAN THINK

IS MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE

I SIMPLY CANNOT CLOSE THE DOOR

THE BEAST IS LET LOOSE AND RUNS AMOK

BEFORE I CAN PAUSE AND TAKE STOCK.

NOW I SIT BEFORE THE SCREEN,

12 MONTHS ON AND SO SERENE,

HAPPY TO SURRENDER AND MAKE A CALL,

WELL BEFORE THAT FATEFUL FALL,

BUT ON MY OWN MY CHANCES ARE NIL,

MY OLD ENEMY'S STILL OUT TO KILL.

ITS SIMPLE, I'M TOLD, JUST KEEP COMING BACK,

AND HIGHER POWER WILL GUARD YOU FROM ANY ATTACK.

Someone asked:

I have a funny question. If all looking at a picture is just lights coming from the screen, then is it really assur to look at it?

Until today, my oldest son and I have deep difficulties in communication and basic lack of faith in each others' love that I trace directly to the fact that he was an obstacle to my lust back then, before I started in recovery. It actually gets more obvious (and more painful to see) as I get saner, even though things are definitely on the mend. In fact, while I was acting out - or as I like to put it: "when I act out"- everyone close to me is a pain in the a%%. The relationship I have with my "sobriety babies" (the ones born after I got sober and started recovery over 10 years ago) and the ones born before, in those years of turmoil, is very different.

And as far as the relationship of wife and I, it never ceases to amaze us how little we really had to do with each other before sobriety. I have come to believe that I avoided her emotionally. Even though I "seemed" to be a decent husband and a nice guy to live with for the most part - aside from the unsightly betrayal of frequent escapades in desperate search of that good 'ol lust-high, of course.

Just a thought.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.