Psychological Factors in Recovery
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1343  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Image of the Day: Which is it going to be?
Announcements: Duvid Chaim's 12-Step Phone Conference: New Cycle
12 Step Attitude: Psychological factors in sexual acting out
Chizuk: The Making of Diamonds
Daily Dose of Dov: Where's the Beef?
 
 
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Image of the Day
 
Which is it going to be?
 
Which is it going to be?
Announcements
 
Duvid Chaim's 12-Step Phone Conference: New Cycle
 

Duvid Chaim Launching the 15th Cycle of his successful 12-Step phone conference!

Are you asking yourself any of the following questions:

I'm sick and tired of feeling TRAPPED IN LUST. I've stopped before - had some sobriety - but always seem to fall back into it again and again. What can I do to finally STOP?!

or

I've already worked the 12 Step Program. I think I know what it's supposed to do for me. But it doesn't work! This is so frustrating. This Program will never work for me! Is there any hope for me?!

PLEASE JOIN US FOR

THE LAUNCH of the

"LIFE CHANGING" VOYAGE OF THE GYE15 - CRUISE TO FREEDOM

Beginning a new cycle on

MONDAY OCTOBER 19TH, 2015

  • 8:30am EST with Cap'n Steve

  • 12 Noon EST with Duvid Chaim

  • 9:30 pm EST with Cap'n Yehudah

    Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays!

    The Conference Call-In Number is 641-715-3836

    Participant Access Code 637207#

    We are going to strive to make this Cruise - Bigger and Better than ever -

    with more Veterans,

    more Chavrusahs,

    more Sponsors and

    more Guest Speakers.

    We will be enriching our Recovery Program with the latest and most effective

    Exercises and Life Changing Processes available.

    Please send an email to

    to let us know you are planning to be ON BOARD.

    "This may be the most important decision of your life!"

    See this page for more information

12 Step Attitude
 
Psychological factors in sexual acting out
 
Part 1/3
 
By Sorotzkin, Dr. Benzion

Some may protest the above title. "Why do we need to look for psychological explanation when someone acts out sexually?" they protest. There is a simple explanation. It's called taivah (lust) and yetzer hara (evil inclination). Looking for psychological explanations, they assert, merely serves as an excuse to act out.

Read more
Chizuk
 
The Making of Diamonds
 
By GYE

On our journeys through life, we are often subjected to tests that we could not withstand, and failures that seemed catastrophic and irreversible at the time. We wondered what G-d wanted from us, and why we had to undergo such trials and tribulations. But one day we will all look back on our lives and understand.

Although the timeline for success may not be what we imagine, we all have the opportunity - at the end of the day - to make out of our lives a beautiful diamond for Hashem's glory. And one day we will look back and see how the hand of Hashem was guiding us the whole time, through the deepest and darkest places - and out into the beautiful light.

For today's Chizuk e-mail, I want to bring two stories that display this truth so beautifully that it brings tears to one's eyes. How wondrous and mysterious are the ways of Hashem. What strange and difficult paths he leads us on sometimes, only to bring out in the end such brilliant jewels for His crown!

Link 1: Just One Jew.

Link 2: From Leading Criminal to Rosh Yeshiva.

In both of these stories, if these precious Jews had not first been steeped in sin and darkness, they could never have become the powerhouses of Kiddush Hashem that they indeed became!

As the Zohar in Parshas Tetzaveh Writes:

There is no light besides that which comes out of darkness... And avodas Hashem can only be through darkness first, and there can be no good, only though bad. And when a person goes into a bad path and then leaves it, the Master of the World's honor is elevated. And therefore, the "Shleimus" (completion) of everything, is good and bad together - and then to leave to the (side of) good. And there can be no good but that which comes through bad, and from such good, Hashem is elevated. And this is called an "avodah shleimah" (a complete service of Hashem).

So no matter how far from Hashem we may feel today, and no matter how hopeless our situation may seem, know my dear brothers, that Hashem has a beautiful path for us yet to take. We have only to LET Him lead us there.

While working on a diamond, all seems messy, dirty and confusing. But if we let the Master Craftsman work with our hearts, if we just let Him in to do his magic, a brilliant jewel will emerge!

Daily Dose of Dov
 
Where's the Beef?
 
By Dov

The reason that the 12 steps are not about our lust problem (beside for the simple admission of our lust illness in the first step) is because our avodas Hashem/sanity/approach to life cannot be about fighting lust either. Focusing on fighting lust means we are probably thinking about it all the time (not a good idea). To me, it also may mean that I am not serving Hashem. ("What?!", Calm down... that's better :-). What I mean is, that I do not believe Hashem wants me to make the struggle with lust the focus of my life. Leave the romanticized and glorified pulverization of the Yetzer Hara to those more qualified, thank-you. I'm just a measly addict, anyway...

What I believe my Tatty wants of me is: To serve Him. To live for Him. Making the struggle with lust my raison detre' is just as wacky to me as those guys who work out 18 hours a week and spend another 18 hours a week organizing their organic meals, another 5-10 hours reading about improving their health...I always wonder: what are they living for? to be healthy?? Doesn't it make more sense to be healthy in order to live?!

Anyway, you see that's insanity, no? There must be balance for a normal person, right?

Well, for me, an addict, the balance bar goes a bit the other way, believe it or not. I can't afford to struggle with lust as much as a normal yid can. For me, lust needs to be even farther out of the picture, even more remote. As much as possible, I need to keep the issue of whether I lust/not lust, act out/stay sober, come in contact with inappropriate scenery or not, etc, Hashem's business, rather than mine. True, I have to be wise, honest, take whatever steps needed to avoid it... But I just can't afford to make a big deal of it.

The thing I need to make a big deal of is this: Doing His will for me today.

Exactly what is that?

Well, think about it, for it's a big deal. It's actually the biggest deal.

Again, not "what does He want me to do with my life", but just with today.

On a good day, that is my main concern, as much as possible. That's my business. Sound simple? It is.

Yes, I know what it's like to be mentally bombarded with old lust images, euphoric recall, and images of the women on the street. I am aware that once lust ideas get into my head it becomes very hard to think of anything else, especially avodas Hashem. That's why I generally do not let them in - in the first place. But thinking about not thinking about them is just as dangerous for me.

When I screw up though, and the lust gets in, I use the tools we talked about:

- Calling someone and admitting it. This kills the secret and ruins it's power (see the tzetel katan of Rav Elimelech of Lizensk),

- Thinking about what I really want from this image / lust pursuit, i.e. true pleasure, acceptance, and love.

- Admitting that the lust can't give it to me.

- Then asking Hashem to give them to me, cuz only He's got 'em all.

Whatever. There are many, many tools. But they are all ultimately half-measures. And, as they wrote in AA, "half-measures availed us nothing." Which I understand this way: If the main thing we are doing is fighting to stay sober,where's the beef? When does the avodas Hashem start? When does living start?!

True, once we are in trouble, getting away without giving in to the temptation somehow, is technically in the category of avodas Hashem. But for an addict - of all people - I find that making that into a "lifestyle" is completely unacceptable. In fact, In my case, I don't even look at it as in the category of avodas Hashem any more than I view catching my balance when slipping. Getting away from the temptation is purely selfish (enlightened self-interest perhaps, but selfish nonetheless). And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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