Rabbi Chanoch (Henry) Harris is the director of the Jewish Center for Wellbeing, a non-profit that teaches principles of wellbeing that support peace of mind and freedom from conflict and compulsion. Formerly, Rabbi Harris served as Educational Director of Aish Hatorah New York City for 14 years.

Coming Soon: 3-Part Live Webinar series by Rabbi Henry Harris

Healthy, Gentle, Powerful Change

It can often look like change is beyond us. In truth, it mostly requires an openness to looking in a new direction. Join Rabbi Henry Harris for an exploration of a simple truth: that people are healthy, that despite our being prone to stumble and lose our way, we were designed - right now - to experience the Divine gifts of emunah, humility, and acceptance – the greatest drivers of joyful freedom, wellbeing and growth.

Contact us ASAP to register for the intro session.

Limited availability.

Free for GYE members (usual cost $300).

Here lies a Yid, 'tis so sad

Who caught his death from taivos gone bad

This Ehrliche man is not forgot

But he gave up his life

. . .for what?

We wrote to Rabbi Twerski about this bachur who claimed he could not stop. Rabbi Twerski's answered us, and his response is invaluable as it adds a whole new dimension to understanding the battle with addiction. Rabbi Twerski writes:

His conviction that he cannot overcome the addiction is the addiction talking to him, saying, "Give up the fight, It's useless. You'll never succeed, so why put yourself through the misery."

Contrary to logic, marriage does not help sexual addiction, and continuing masturbation after the marriage can ruin it.

I attended an AA meeting where the speaker was celebrating his 20^th year of sobriety. He began by saying, "The man I once was, drank. And the man I once was, will drink again" (but the man I am today, will not). Alcoholics who have not had a drink for many years but have not overhauled their character are "dry drunks" and will often drink again. The same is true for sexual addiction.

How does one become a different person? By working diligently on improving one's character traits. Learning how to manage anger, to rid oneself of resentments, to overcome hate, to be humble, to be considerate of others, to be absolutely honest in all one's affairs, to admit being wrong, to overcome envy, to be diligent and overcome procrastination. In short, one should take the Orchos Tzaddikim (I'm sure it's available in English), and go down the list of character traits, strengthening the good one's and trying to eliminate the bad ones. This does not happen quickly.

When one has transformed one's character and has become a different person, one will find that this "new person" can accomplish things that the old person could not.

All living creatures have no shame, with the exception of human beings. When we have intellect we understand the concept of shame. When we don’t use our intellect as human beings (behaving like animals) we have no shame.

The trait of shame is a boundary to protect us from going against our values; what we consider right or wrong. When we do things in private we would not do in public, we are touching on the attribute of shame and this can help us stop doing things impulsively to get a moment of pleasure without thinking about the consequences. People do and say many things in private they would not dare say or do in public, and when this becomes public knowledge they feel shame.

There are two levels of shame:

1. If you are ashamed to do something against your values in public but do so in private, you are being ashamed before other people but ignoring your Higher Power.
2. If you are ashamed before people and avoid doing things against your values in private fearing they will become known to people, this is healthy shame.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.