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The Twelve Steps: A Spiritual Program

obormottel Sunday, 15 November 2015
Part 4/5 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

At the beginning of this essay, we asked what the difference is between an addict and a transgressor.

It could be said that a transgressor is a person who still has control. He is still able to choose between bad or good, and he is still sane, even if he has chosen something bad at this point.

An addict, on the other hand, has lost control. He will do anything to satisfy his addiction, which is, from his point of view, a remedy for his inner emotional pain. And when we say anything we mean anything.

The classic addict in the Scriptures is the ben sorer umoreh, the rebellious son. (Deuteronomy 21:18)

“If a man has a wayward and rebellious son, who does not obey his father or his mother, and they chasten him, and [he still] does not listen to them, his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, and to the gate of his place. And they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is wayward and rebellious; he does not obey us; [he is] a glutton and a guzzler.’ (He eats vast quantities of meat and drinks a lot of wine -Rashi) And all the men of his city shall pelt him to death with stones.”

(The rebellious son is killed because of what he will become in the end. The Torah penetrates to the end of his intentions, an end in which he will squander his father’s money, seek what he has become accustomed to, and stand at the crossroads robbing people. -Rashi)

Our Sages say that the rebellious son in fact never existed and never will (Sanhedrin). In fact, the Torah wants to shock us and shows us to where addiction can lead. Even a 13-year-old boy would be prepared to kill for the wine that he needs so desperately. Our Sages stress that this is not about an educational problem, or he could be punished rather than killed. We are not talking about a transgression here, but about a disease. Sin is an action that is controlled, while addiction is an uncontrollable sickness.

The Way to Addiction

Addiction is definitely a psychosocial problem that can be explained on a biological, chemical, psychological, emotional, and social level.

The question of what comes first may never be answered: Does the habit, the usage, create chemical changes that lead to the addiction, or is the need, the addiction, caused by a biological or chemical deficiency in the brain?

In Shulchan Aruch, the Rema explains that the blessing that is recited each time a person leaves the bathroom,”Who created man with wisdom, heals all flesh, and performs wonders” is referring to the wondrous connection between the physical and spiritual worlds. This is the psychophysical problem of when a person who is afraid creates a chemical process within the body that leads to physiological changes. Why, for example, does a person who is very angry sometimes end up with a heart attack? What creates this connection between the spiritual and material worlds? It is a miracle, for it is Divine Wisdom.

The more addicts we treat, the more we find a very common factor between all of this. Without a doubt, the addiction is neither a problem nor a symptom. Addiction is the incorrect solution to a crisis. This crisis is an unbearable, inner, emotional pain that is impossible to live with.

Why one person becomes addicted to alcohol, another to drugs, and a third to gambling, sex, or eating disorders is another question as yet unanswered. It is possible that the key is the first encounter between the problem (the abovementioned pain) and the proffered solution that was in the environment and became the solution to the problem over time – in other words, the addiction.

If we try to analyze some of the examples we have brought, we will see that the common factor between addicts is pain. An additional factor that exists between addicts is extra sensitivity.

As mentioned above, Lot was fleeing from frustration. His entire world had been destroyed. Lot’s daughters, who also performed an insane act (incest), were also the victims of their father’s sexual abuse (on an emotional level). When the angels who prophesied to Abraham and Sarah about the birth of their son Isaac came to Sodom to destroy the city and rescue Lot, it is written:

“The people of the city, the people of Sodom, surrounded the house, both young and old, the entire populace from every end [of the city]. And they called to Lot and said to him, ‘Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, and let us be intimate with them.'” This must have been a very scary situation. And Lot’s two daughters saw their father walk towards the doorway and were sure that he would stop these criminals. Instead, what happened? And he said, “My brethren, please do not do evil. Behold now I have two daughters who were not intimate with a man. I will bring them out to you, and do to them as you see fit; only to these men do nothing, because they have come under the shadow of my roof.” (Genesis 19:4-8)

Many prostitutes do what they do because they were sexually abused in the past, and now they are trying in a certain sense to have control over men. Sex, for them, is an emotion, a remedy for their pain.

Chiyya, the son of Rav, who used drugs, grew up in a home where there were constant fights between his parents. The Talmud relates that each time that Rav asked his wife for something, she would do the opposite. He asked for lentils, and she gave him small peas, and whenever he asked for small peas, she gave him lentils. When his son Chiyya grew up, he gave her [his father’s instruction] in the reverse order. ‘Your mother’, Rav once remarked to him, has improved!’ ‘It was I,’ the other replied, ‘who reversed [your orders] to her.” His father went on to say that even though Chiyya lied for the sake of a mitzvah, he should nonetheless not tell untruths in case he teaches his tongue to lie. (Yevamot 63a). Indeed, the Talmud relates that Chiyya had problems with drink and drugs, as mentioned above. In fact, his behavior was not normative, to the extent that his friend Huna had to hit him for his offensive behavior. (Rashi on Erchin 16b)

The children of Israel who expressed their desires in the wilderness were also looking for excitement. Two hundred and ten years of slavery definitely affected their emotional world. Frustration, humiliation, powerlessness, and despair are all emotions experienced by a slave. “The little escapes” of the Jewish nation from their lives of daily suffering were through garlic, onions, and radishes. Eating in a certain situation can release dopamines to the pleasure centers within the brain, which creates the eating disorders that turn food into a drug.

Therefore, when the children of Israel said, “Who will feed us meat?” they were remembering the onions and garlic rather than meat (which they did not have in Egypt). They wanted another shot, another joint, just like the old days.

When using becomes a solution, and the solution becomes the problem, a dual problem is created. On the one hand, the addiction no longer soothes away the initial pain, and on the other hand the body can no longer manage without this addiction, which becomes a biological and psychological malaise. Therefore no logical argument will convince the addict to halt his path of self-destruction and find a new life for himself.

The story of Rabbi Elazar ben Durdiya, who died but was never cured, is a natural, logical tale. However, there is one way that an addict can pull himself out of the mire in which he is sinking, and that is to seek the help of a power that is much greater than him and exists outside of him. This is when a person realizes that he is unable to overcome his addiction on his own, when he feels prepared to yield his own ego and his logic, which have not helped him until now, or he cries out, :From the depths I am calling You, O God.” (Psalms). The addict needs to reach the lowest point of suffering in order to free himself from his self-absorption so that he can loosen up and search for answers that are outside himself.

“Fools, because of the way of their transgression. Their soul despises all food, and they reach the portals of death. And they cried out to the Lord in their distress; from their straits He saved them.” (Psalms 107:17-19)

Reish Lakish (an Amora who used to be a famous robber that repented and became one of the most important Amoraim in the Talmud) said that a person’s inclination overcomes him every day and seeks his death. “Without God’s help he would not be able to [conquer his inclinations].” (Sukkah 52b)

A person who thinks that he can overcome his inclinations will never be able to extricate himself from the mire.

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